Hey y’all, so I(21f) am in an (about to be) 3 year relationship with my boyfriend(21M). We’re doing pretty good, we’re not arguing and there’s no red flags so far, at least not that I’ve noticed. And most of the time I really feel like this is person I can spend forever with and have a family with and all that good stuff. But I also have like a lot of moments of doubts. It’s happened continuously over the course of our relationship where I’ll feel like maybe we’re not compatible or maybe he’s not the one for me. Sometimes I’ll get bored of the relationship. And we’re from different cultural backgrounds which is something that’s a pro and con for me sometimes so sometimes that has me leaning on we’re never gonna work and I should end this or I’m so happy with him let’s be together forever. Also I don’t know if I’d say we’re sexually compatible because having sex with him is kinda always painful. Not that he hurts me or anything it’s just like it’s hard to get it in or I’m not like aroused a lot. And we’ve tried lube and stuff and it doesn’t work, and honestly sometimes being sexual with him just feels like a chore. Sometimes I also kinda think i would rather be in a platonic relationship with him but if we broke up we’d never stay friends so that holds me back.
I also have a lot of reservations that I feel are mostly selfish, like if I’ll ever enjoy sex(not sure if it’s a medical thing which I’m gonna get checked out or just a me and him thing) so I don’t wanna end up in a relationship with little to no sex for the rest of my life. A lot of the time I feel like I’m so dependent on him for stuff in my life and just his presence that I don’t wanna lose that or I’m scared to lose it which I feel is kinda selfish. I’m always battling between whether I think we’re a good fit or if it would be better for both of us if we broke up.
Also me and him have talked marriage a lot and I really don’t wanna get married and end up getting a divorce. But it’s something we’ve mentioned wanting to do in the next 2-5 years and recently I’ve just been feeling like I’m stuck or I might be making the wrong decision. He’s kinda like my first real relationship since I turned 18 that wasn’t like petty or childish or just toxic. I feel sometimes like I don’t have enough experience to wanna stick with just him forever yk. Also kind of a case of fomo. And I don’t think I would even wanna break up just to date other people although that would be nice I feel like I genuinely just wanna be alone a bit and kinda be single and enjoy it in my adulthood when I can actually understand the perks.
Also the start of our relationship wasn’t the best on my part cause I didn’t really like him, I had just got over a really bad crush on someone else and then we got close and I asked him out and I honestly didn’t think we’d last long at all and now we have and at the beginning I kinda kept waiting for him to do something or for something to happen that would break us up but it never did. Even our arguments have never been that serious. And overall it’s just a lot I don’t think I could type all at once but I just want honest advice on whether it might be a good decision to break up or take a break and kinda just be single for a bit.
Another side note is that when we started dating I kinda isolated myself because before that I had a lot of guy friends I used to talk to and flirt with and our relationships where very like mixed or had been semi sexual of the sort so I kinda withdrew from them and then I kinda withdrew from social media. Not his fault but I just kept self isolating to where just he and my best friend are like the only friends I have or talk to regularly and it’s no fault of his but I feel like now he’s become like a clutch or cradle and I find it so hard to put myself out there and get to know people and I’m just in my shell now and it’s honestly kinda depressing. And I’m probably misdirecting my feelings and maybe I should be working inwards on myself but idk i just keep wondering if maybe it would be better to break up and go our seperate ways and then just find myself and be forced to like be social and live outside my bubble.
So my question is do you guys think breaking up with him would be best or am I kinda delusional, kinda overthinking things and just need to calm down?
TLDR: Been having doubts over the past couple years about whether to end my 3 year relationship to see what singlehood has to offer. Also wondering if the person I’m with is the right fit for me.