Last night before I fell asleep and my girlfriend was feeling a bit ill. I had a migraine but didn’t tell her. She was not feeling well so i asked her if she wanted me to turn the light off to rest. She mumbled no, but i didnt hear it well, so she told me louder that she saod no dont turn the light off, and i told her i didnt her what she said, but with a bit of annoyance in my voice.
Then i kind of passed out from the migraine. A couple minutes, i think, later, she was loudly tossing and turning and banging her limbs on the bed. (She sometimes does that and it makes me feel a bit scared due to past trauma plus the vibrations in the mattress make my migraines worse. She already knows that.) I woke up as she asked me to turn the heated blanket off. I did. I also went to lock the door as she had forgotten to. I was grumpy because of my migraine. I get really bad ones and unfortunately they are hereditary.
I lied back down about to fall asleep again and she was whining and banging her legs on the mattress. I tried taking a few breaths as my therapist has advised when I feel threatened (which was my feeling from past wounds, she never makes me feel that way), but that didn’t work so I said ” I turned the blanket off what else do you need” in am annoying tone. Like that was very arsehole of me i know. She got up cried, she was going to sleep on the sofa but I told her that since I would get up early for work I don’t want to disturb her more. Issue is she has insomnia, and once her sleep is disturbed, that’s it. No more for the night.
She called me a fucking arsehole- i never call her names. Never had and never will. This is the third time she calls me something not nice and I had nicely asked her both previous times to please don’t do that. It is a boundary of mine. It makes me feel like I’m a child abused by her mother again (main reason I’ve been in therapy for about 5 years now). She also added that she’s sorry that she ruined my precious sleep but I have woken her up by tossing and turning lots of times before. Thing is after that she was slamming doors (which I have also asked her not to do as it hurts me) and both of us stayed up all night in adjacent rooms crying. I couldn’t fall asleep because of all the hurt and guilt I felt. Every time I hear her cry I feel my heart breaking. She kept crying here and there, but I could also hear how many sleeping pills she was taking. At least 12. Which is 6 times more than the recommended dosage.
Tonight after a day of no contact, she told me usually she is okay with me being annoyed or being annoying. But because she was feeling ill and I talked to her in such a way, she felt so unloved, and that I didn’t even need to take care of her as she can do that herself, that I hurt her with my behaviour.
I knew that my attitude and what I said was mean and it was as if I was disregarding her feelings and her state. I never expected she would feel that way. I told her that I am very sorry. I can understand why she felt that way. That that is literally the last thing I would ever want to make her feel.
She asked to sleep separately tonight. I know she wants to rest, and I was going to suggest that as well. Still I know what I did was not nice or considerate at all.
How can I repair this? She is very precious to me. I know ot will take time for me to fully put in practice what I have learnt in therapy. It was only just two weeks ago that I had a breakthrough in therapy and came out of a month of constant crying and healing my inner child (my girlfriend was supportive but she did end up getting triggered a couple of times from me not being able to stop my inner child from taking over). I know it will take time, but I now know how to take care of my wounds and be more patient so I don’t trigger her and hurt her, and hence support her in her own healing, in the way she needs me to.
Please help me as that sweet girl she deserves all the love in the world, and here I am failing miserably to give that to her.
Thank you.
TLDR: I was mean to my ill girlfriend when u was having a migraine, she felt unloved. How do I apologise and repair our relationship?