To give everyone some background info, I (27m) got laid off from my job. I have a house in north Florida where my boyfriend (25m) and I live. My boyfriend hates the area up here since it’s a smaller town with nothing to do and so I (with nothing to lose) suggest we just rent the house out and move down to South Florida where he is from as it would make him happier and I could probably find a comparable job too.
We rented the house out and moved in with his parents in south Florida. All the jobs I’ve applied to here rejected me/selected someone else so far. I did receive a job offer in Orlando, and I happily accepted. He and I are both happy to move to Orlando instead as it’s still a big city. But we can’t agree on an apartment. He wants newer and nicer apartments in Lake Nona (further from my new office) and I want closer (8 minutes away) and less expensive (considered luxury still but they don’t have upgrades like granite). He works from home and I’ll be in office 3 days a week. He wants a nicer and bigger than average apartment as he is stuck in the house all day. I make currently 70k (which is a pay cut from my last job so I’m worried) he makes 42k. He can only contribute 1k toward everything and I don’t want to go over 1k either. He feels since I make more I should be able to contribute more. I feel I can contribute more if we got the “cheaper” apartment. I would cover the other half of rent (1k) and the utilities ($200-$300). With the more expensive apartments my portion of rent would jump to $1,400 (plus his 1k for a total of $2400 in rent) but I would also have to pay the utilities. My portion would be $1600-$1700. While he pays $1,000. Granted I do make more. A few other apartments he suggested are closer to my max price and up to his standards but are way too far away.
I suggested I could get a cheap non luxury 1 bedroom apartment in Orlando for myself to be closer to work and he could setup the house for himself (for $1,000 a month in rent paid to me aka my mortgage) to give him the extra space he wants for working from home and needs for his cat. It’s a 5 bedroom 2 story larger house and we can just travel between the 2 places during weekends or my non office days. He can come to stay in Orlando when he wants something to do (or even stay on weekends) and go back to a larger home with space when working. I can travel between both places during my non office days or weekends. It’s about a 45-50 minute drive (with no traffic) between my house and where the apartment / office will be. He shot that down immediately as he thinks it will drive us apart but I’m just trying to come up with a solution that works.
He said I should consider his happiness in all this. If he has to work from home and live there he wants more space (like the house I have) and for it to be nicer. I told him I didn’t think my solution was a bad idea but that I also don’t want to get a fancy apartment in Lake Nona. I told him I wanted to move to an apartment closer to the office for less money. I’m wondering if he’s right about me not considering his point of view and that I should compromise financially to make up for the difference.
I love him very much and know he loves me. He cooks, cleans, and handles stuff I don’t wish to handle (keeping track of pest control, lawn care, the boring stuff…) but I can’t help but be bothered by the fact he appears to want me to bank roll him. When its not involving money he is as sweet as can be. He grew up in a family that hasn’t struggled financially so maybe that’s a part of why his mindset is the way it is. After telling him this earlier, he did calm down a bit and said he wished he could contribute more. It was suggested I take this over to relationship advice from someone on my other post on another thread. I also caught his computer open the other month and notice that he’s been doing nude live cams very sporadically (on a popular website) most recently last month. I was shocked by that but haven’t brought it up to him yet. I know he was deeply unhappy living at my house, so I try not to put too much judgement on that. He did tell me he used to sell underwear online for extra cash too years ago, so I can’t say this is too out of left field.
Would you get the apartment? I was thinking about talking to him about the live cams as well.
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\*\*TL;DR;\*\* : We can’t agree on an apartment even though I feel I’m being logical. I also caught him on a live cam site where he had done a previous broadcast last month. Not sure how to proceed