Some additional info and an update.

Some redditors and some people around us were worried that my relationship with Ada is just a rebound. I admit is something that I too was worried about, and Ada told me she didn’t have long lasting expectations at first.

We began dating in April 2023, but as things progressed and she saw my intentions are serious and I’m committed, her doubts about me were gone. She says we are made of the same stuff – we are two loyal, committed and hardworking people and she wants a future with me. And so do I. We are looking for a new place to share and I’m looking for the ring to make my proposal.
I admit that one of my biggest concerns is that I don’t want to take advantage of her goodwill, even unintentionally. Her kindness and patience are near infinite, but I told her I don’t want our relationship to be all about my past, it would not be fair for her. She reassured me she doesn’t feel taken advantage of and that I do a lot to make her feel loved and appreciated for who she is, but at the same she recognizes this is a part of me she’s willing to accept to be with me.

To my surprise, everyone approves of us – my parents, Ada’s parents, and my late wife’s mother. We never got any backlash.

On the update. I talked about this with my therapist. She feels that based on what she knows about Ada and the way she always behaved about this, that bringing her to my wife’s grave will probably be a positive thing. So I told Ada that if she feels like it, I’d be glad to take her with me this Saturday. She was happy to hear this, she usually works on Saturday mornings, but said she’d take the morning off for me.

However I had unexpected things come up for tomorrow – I have to cover for a sick coworker, which means I’ll be taken all morning and great part of the afternoon. It happens, and when it happens I either go on Friday or Sunday.
I decided to go this afternoon (we are in Europe, it’s evening here) and asked Ada if she wanted to come along – and she readily agreed.

We didn’t talk much during the drive. When we arrived, we made our way to my wife’s tombstone and I just said “Well, here she is”. I fetched the water for the flowers and start my usual routine, Ada just crouched as if to examine it. Then she just helped me with the caretaking routine, removing the dead leaves and flowers, and cleaning the picture and the light.
We then took a walk around the cemetery (might sound weird, but it’s not unusual here as many cemeteries double as parks here) then sat outside for a smoke before the drive back.

We talked a bit, and Ada, who’s quite the stoic, got a little emotional. She was happy I had let her in on such what for me is a particularly intimate and sacred place, but also shaken because after all the talking we had done of my late wife she subconsciously thought of her as someone she’d want to meet and be friends with, but seeing the grave reminded and cemented the fact that this amazing woman is gone.
It was a bit of shaking for me too seeing her tearing up, since she’s the most stoic woman I’ve ever met, but also made me think how this woman is a rare gem.

I don’t doubt that in different circumstances, my late wife and Ada would have been great friends. And I’m a very lucky guy for finding not one, but two amazing woman which gave and still give my life meaning every day.

TL;DR
I brought my girlfriend to my late wife’s grave, and things went well.

48 comments

  1. You’re trying to make me cry at work. This was a beautiful update. I wish you and Ada a long and happy life. ❤️

  2. I’m so glad you found another love. How accepting and open she wants to be with you that’s amazing.

  3. You are blessed to meet someone like Ada who is kind and understanding. Show your appreciation for her with your love and make her happy for the rest of your life. All the best.

  5. I’m so happy for both of you. You and Ada sound really good and caring people. Best of luck and tell us when you put a ring on her hand.

  6. I’ve read so many posts here about people who have lost their partner and their new partner wants them to remove all memory of them as if they aren’t an important part of your life story.

    Ada is a good one. All the best OP!

  7. I really shouldn’t read reddit while chopping onions. Seriously, tears.

    You are indeed blessed my friend. I hope for true happiness for you and Ada, and that her participation in cherishing the memory of your wife will do even more to keep that memory a blessing for all who loved her.

  11. Congrats OP, she’s a keeper, and you’re a very fortunate man to have had two such wonderful women in your life. Good luck and best wishes to both of you!

  12. I don’t know if it’s luck. You sound like a great guy! I’m sure your awesomeness attracted these amazing women into your life. I wish you and Ada the best ❤️

  17. I’ve thought about this a few times since you originally posted and this update is bringing tears to my eyes. I think the level of empathy and love Ada has in her heart is such a beautiful thing. I wish you all the best.

  18. I took my partner to visit my late husband’s grave on Memorial Day. Actually, my partner has always been very respectful of my previous marriage and never compares our relationship to what I had with my husband. Not everyone is a crazy jealous nutcase who can’t stand the fact that their partner loved someone else before them.

  19. This is beautiful Sir. I hope you and your new lady have a wonderful future together. Knowing how much you revere your wife she would be joyed to see you happy.

    You found 2 invaluable women in one lifetime. Keep winning at life. God bless you both.

  20. Yo, this woman is an angel. God bless you both and may you have the happiest life together.

    Truly, a gem. Made me tear up to read.

  22. Oh man Im tearing up, Ada sounds like a wonderful woman, unlike some stories here on reddit where new partners are jealous and want to erase the deceased spouse, I wish you both a long future filled with happiness, love and health

  23. First, I’m sorry for your loss and glad that you have found someone to look forward to a life with. I think you showed a lot of strength and vulnerability by sharing that with your girlfriend, and it sounds like she honored that trust and behaved appropriately.

    My partner was widowed at a young age. They shared a meal together and his partner went off to work and never came home. He dropped dead from a massive heart attack at 40. It was several years ago, but I try to help him honor his memory in small ways, and I don’t give him any trouble about keeping mementos of him. I remind myself that if that man had not died, he would still be with him today in all likelihood, and it reminds me of the fragile and passing nature of things, and helps me not feel foolishly possessive or jealous. Ii see myself as his caretaker, for a time. and that makes each moment precious. It also helped me form a more intimate connection with my partner since, in some small way, we mourn together.

  24. Pass The Tissues Please!

    What a beautiful update, TY for sharing, wishing you both all the happiness in the world – take care of eachother always!

  28. This is a wonderful story.

    My dad died when I was young and my mom remarried a few years later. They’ve been married for almost 35 years now. My step-dad told me a few years ago that he visited my dad’s grave when he and my mom first got engaged, and just talked to my dad a little, promised to take care of me, my brother, and my mom for him. I think Ada was probably thinking something similar.

    I’m happy for you, best wishes to you both.

  29. That’s a lovely update. Confirms my initial hunch. Ada sounds a very good soul.
    All the best to you and for your future.

  30. Get the lady some flowers and chocolate 🍫 and give her a big hug and kiss.

    Lightning has struck twice. Time to buy a lottery ticket.

  31. Look at you making me tear up because that’s the sweetest thing I’ve read in all the negative I always see. I really hope you and Ada have a long lasting life

  34. That’s really touching. Ada sounds like a really grounded, empathetic person. Best of luck to you both

  35. As a widow, it’s always lovely to read happy stories by others who have lost but love again. A happy life to you both ❤️

  41. That’s sweet. Yes, I want to believe that there are more gracious and amazing women out there who have a huge capacity for care, understanding and empathy. Some are even more rare and out of this world- even when the world tries to break them. I believe you have found such a person. She may be stoic but I feel like life has shown her how to love through the pain and wants someone she can truly be vulnerable with so she can finally exhale.

    Be that tree and keep building that foundation so you both can be each other’s anchors, each other’s resting place. Good luck and may your wife RIP.

  42. I am a 59 year old, widowed for a little over a year. I had an amazing husband for 38 years. I’m not ready to date yet, but this gives me hope. Thank you ❤️

  43. >She was happy I had let her in on such what for me is a particularly intimate and sacred place, but also shaken because after all the talking we had done of my late wife she subconsciously thought of her as someone she’d want to meet and be friends with, but seeing the grave reminded and cemented the fact that this amazing woman is gone.

    This made me literally tear up. How sweet and heartbreaking and uplifting simultaneously.

    I have cried at r/relationship-advice posts before. I think every time it was because a woman was in the early-to-mid stages of an abusive relationship and *I* knew how bad things were going to be for her and how broken she might be in another year, even if she couldn’t see it.

    Thank you for posting something that made me cry in the complete opposite way. Three beautiful people (and your family too) being good and loving and kind and generous with their emotions.

    I wish you all a long and happy life

  44. This is gold. Ada really cares about you and your past, acknowledging it as a very big part of who you are. And you are doing that as well. Wanting to move forward without denying there is a very important part of it that is thanks to your late wife. Cherish this, respect your past and move forward. Nothing is really forgotten or taken lightly, it is just part of who you are now, who she fell in love with and who is offering love and a new opportunity at happiness.

  47. Thank you for sharing your story. I (54M) lost my wife 4 years ago, 6 days before our 20th anniversary.

    I’ve heard that in a widow’s relationship there is always a third person, the lost partner, and that it can be a real challenge for anyone stepping into that. So I’ve been very conscious of how to navigate that.

    I’m so glad to hear that you are doing so successfully and have found someone so special to you that can also handle the challenges as well

    I sometimes feel greedy hoping lightning strikes twice, so your story reassures me it’s possible. Good luck to you both. <3

  48. I just want to say how refreshing it is to hear about two kind-hearted, mature people making something work.

    Far too often we get posts like ‘my new partner wants me to throw away memories of my deceased ex’ or whatever such. It’s wonderful to see a situaiton where your memories and love are respected and honored.

    Be good to each other.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like