Please note – I truly don’t intend to be or sound cruel or thoughtless in my question. I’m genuinely struggling with how to handle this.
I (29F) have been dating a man (33M) for about 3 months, with the last month and a half pretty intentionally and both monogamously. When we first started seeing each other, he had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship that the other person ended, so we took it slow. At no point thus far have we called each other “boyfriend/girlfriend”, nor have we had a conversation about our long term intentions with each other, specifically. We haven’t met each other’s friends or family. It’s been fairly casual and we’re seeing each other at least once a week.
Over the past few weeks, he’s been going through it. There’s been a situation with a parent’s health that he has to deal with, and now he’s lost his job. In the midst of this, he’s had symptoms of long covid (extreme brain fog, exhaustion, etc.) and had to talk to a doctor about it.
He’s a kind man who treats me with respect and care. We’ve enjoyed getting to know each other. However, we’re very different politically and spiritually, and our interests are not naturally aligned. He’s a homebody, and I’m looking for a partner to experience the world with. I don’t know that I can be 100% myself with him (something I’ll have to evaluate personally). For the past few weeks I’ve started to feel that we’re not a long-term fit.
I’ve been supportive, offering a listening ear when he needs to talk, and I really do care about him as a person and am grateful for the time we’ve spent together. I’ve stayed in this because he does continue to pleasantly surprise me with what he believes and enjoys, so with the added element of the things he’s going through…it never feels like the right time.
Unfortunately, this is reminiscent of a past relationship – I became a crutch for that person and lost myself. I can now identify that pattern, but I’m quite confident that we’re not a fit, nor is he the person I can see myself with in the future, and he deserves better than that.
Has anyone else had to handle a situation like this and would be willing to share insight on how they came to be at peace with it? I feel a bit heartless for even considering breaking things off at this point, but also there’s no such thing as a “right time”…right? It’s not *because* of the tough time that I want to end things.
Tl;dr – guy I’m seeing is going through a lot right now, but I was already thinking of ending things. How can I handle my feeling that I’m being cruel?