My husband and I have been married 4, going on 5 years. Last year was absolutely the most difficult year on our marriage. We had a baby, who is great and healthy, but just finding a proper balance has been difficult. My father also passed away from a brief terminal illness. Our apartment we had been living in wasn’t exactly ideal for a baby, so we moved in with my mother (who had just lost her husband – my dad) to keep her company; as well as save up money to buy a house.
I want to start out by giving my husband an out – I know living with his mother in law has got to be difficult. But man oh man has it been SO fucking hard to be around this man. Moving, exhaustion from having a baby, and grief sure bring out the worst in people … he has been so pessimistic about everything! Much like Everywhere else in the country, our housing market is abysmal. He has a “what’s the point” mentality and is convinced we are never going to find a house and has instead been spending all of our joint money on video games, beer, musical equipment, etc. Meanwhile my mother loves having us in her home, but is excited for us to find our own space.
When i have told my husband how much it bothers me that he’s spending our joint money on things that only benefit himself, and not our family, he gets very hot headed. He has told me I’m unsupportive of his passions (gaming, music) and that I should’ve known these things as we began dating. I tried finding a compromise and said if he sold off some of his equipment he’s not using and used that to buy new stuff, that would be understandable, but then he says he’s proud of what he has and he wants to keep all his instruments for our baby to inherit one day. That to me just feels immature and maybe a little manipulative?
It is frustrating because I have not spent that kind of money on myself in a long time, ESPECIALLY because we now have a child in the mix
The obvious answer seems like marriage counseling, but unfortunately our health insurance
tl;dr can’t confront husband about issues without it getting flipped around onto me.