My (f23) porn addicted husband (m26) said he finds my body boring.
My husband has struggled with a p0rn addiction his whole life, during the course of our 8 month marriage during the beginning we both agreed to a no p0rn rule.
It went over both of our boundaries supposedly. Well multiple times during these months I’ve caught him watching it, just sneakier and sneakier. I’m a woman with very low confidence and it makes me uncomfortable knowing my s/o uses others to get off. Each time I’ve been understanding & non-judgmental but have expressed that it upsets me and have cried begging him to change and stop, he always says he will.
Yesterday I caught him again (look at their instagram clicked link history ladies) & found porn & OF models. This time I was angry at first, because the last time I caught him was only a month ago and I poured my heart out to him. But afterwards I comforted him, and I asked him why doesn’t he just use the countless nudes and videos I’ve sent him instead, he replied with “it’s like my brain finds it boring, it’s old, it’s the same” and I think that completely and utterly broke me, hearing my husband refer to my naked body as “boring”. I’m someone who has suffered deep depression due to body dysmorphia and low self esteem, so hearing that come from the man I’ve been so vulnerable with was irreversible damage. I can’t look at him and I don’t want him to touch me or look at me, I start hyperventilating when I think about it. I don’t think I’m strong enough mentally to go through this.
Questions: How can I get through this? How can I help myself while also helping him? He wants to change how can I help him?
TL;DR my (f23) porn addicted husband (m26) said he finds my body boring.