Before I explain let me preface this with I just don’t know how to explain and convey and am looking for advice. This is a throwaway account and my first ever post so I apologize in advance. Sorry for the long post too.
I (F26) and my boyfriend of five years (M28) have always had a loving, healthy relationship. We’ve both been through a lot before and even during our relationship and it’s made us stronger together and individually. We’ve been living together for the last three years as we moved a few states away for me to pursue school for my career and he works as a chef full time. So we’re very secure in our relationship as it currently stands. Last week I saw a tiktok about one of my friends wedding from a few months ago, it was one of those where she’s like these are the things that were worth it, these are things I could’ve gone without etc. I just made a comment to him as we were sitting on our couch that I wanted to do one of the ideas at our wedding and he was caught off guard. I asked him what was wrong and he was like “we’re getting married?” And I just kinda laughed because I thought he was messing around and replied “well not right now obviously but sometime soon I would hope. I’m not gonna be young forever ya know” and it led to us realizing we were not on the same page at all. In his eyes there’s no point because it will just cause more heartache when we get divorced because the majority of marriages fail and so why do that when we already have a happy relationship and we can just continue as we are. I feel like marriage is a next step and deeper commitment to one another and offers many benefits just dating cannot. I also kind of took it as “the easy way out no longer exists” but im sure that’s my past relationships whispering doubts in my ear as every man I’ve dated before him cheated on me. He just doesn’t see what signing a piece of paper and changing the title adds when it can hurt so much more down the road and I can tell he’s frustrated because he just doesn’t understand. (This is something not uncommon, there’s a few subjects we just for some reason cannot effectively communicate how we feel to each other due to various traumas) I just would like some advice on how I can explain that marriage is different than dating because I can’t find the words. I’d also like to clarify I’m not aiming to change his mind, obviously I’d like to marry him but if marriage is not something he wants I’m not going to force it. I love him too much to do that, but unfortunately it would mean the end of our relationship as marriage is something I want in life. He’s just expressed frustration with not understanding and I would like to find some words to help.