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I’m working on some similar things in my life. I’ve found a few resources that have been really helpful for me in my quest to find out what’s wrong with me and fix it.
“Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents Book by Lindsay C. Gibson” I listened to it for free online.
On YouTube [Crappy Childhood Fairy](https://youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy?si=qEouoDg4kcyQEkDi), [Patrick Teahan](https://youtube.com/@patrickteahanlicswtherapy?si=ngXsvDqA2o3y4a21), and [Therapy in a Nutshell](https://youtube.com/@TherapyinaNutshell?si=fI_iX9PNUWs-ixNt) all have so much good information and advice.