TL;DR I read my fiancé’s diary. Her most recent entry, just days ago, says she would feel “crushed” if my best friend, Eric, were to get engaged, as they have “undeniable chemistry when together”, and she feels like she would be “losing something that never had the chance to start.”
Also, Eric is not in a relationship. Won’t be getting engaged anytime soon most likely. She just wrote if any of her ex’s got engaged, or my others friends, she wouldn’t care, but with Eric.. “crushed” !
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First, I understand no one but me (OP) and my fiancé (Sara), really know the full scope of our now 9-year relationship. The good, the bad, the okay, etc. You, reading this, will only know a small sliver based on this post, so.. I am keeping that in mind.
Like any couple we’ve had some issues we have worked through over the years, and I feel like we work through issues quite well. We’re generally open and talk through conflict and resolve. I want to preface this post by saying I am quite happy in our relationship, and, I truly do not believe she would explore things with my friend Eric, even with the recent journal entry.
I’m writing here seeking advice on what I should do, knowing what I now know. Keep it to myself? Bring it up directly? Bring it up.. indirectly, without making it obvious I’ve read her journal? What would you do, if you did what I did and read what I read?
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So for some context.. a small window into our relationship..
I have a core friend group of 4 guys I’ve been close with since age 5. One of these friends is Eric.
Let’s go back to college – Sara and I met in college.
Sara and I had been super super close for months, on the verge on making things “official” but we hadn’t had that conversation yet. A large group of us were staying in an AirBNB, my fiancé got blackout drunk and tried to make out with 3 of my friends. They all told me “dude Sara tried to kiss me, I pushed her away” (Sara to this day gets very.. horny, when she drinks).
My friend Eric said the same, but confirmed they did end up kissing…
Sara and I slept together regularly at this point, but I decided to sleep alone that night considering how the night was going. The next morning, Eric showed me Snapchat messages Sara sent him, suggesting he “wait until OP falls asleep and come to my room” – my friend Eric ignored her request. I appreciate him sharing this with me. Sara remembered nothing of this, and apologized to me and truly felt bad when I brought it up to her the next day. In time, we got over it.
So that was weird, but.. we weren’t officially a thing. Bugged me for a bit but time went on and eventually we made our relationship official a few months later and have been together since.
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It’s years and years later now. We live across the country from my core friend group, including Eric, and have for the last few years. We go back “home” a couple times a year and usually get together with everyone, but otherwise, they are far away and we only text/FaceTime/game together.
This event with Eric in the past comes up in my head from time to time but doesn’t bug me much, we’re past it, and have a great relationship. What bugs me the most when it comes up is her suggesting he come to her room after I fall asleep.
But now that I’ve read her last diary entry, I just feel off. It’s obvious she has some feelings for Eric. Knowing her, and us, I’m actually pretty confident she wouldn’t do anything with Eric at this point. I think she’s just romanticizing things in her diary, and that’s fine.. it’s her private space (I invaded..) to do so, but.. maybe there’s more to it..? Clearly she has some feelings for him.. but was she just feeling some way writing this entry, or.. does she think about him quite often? Would she truly feel crushed if he was engaged?
It’s been a few days since I read her diary, and she will be coming home from a trip early next week. Idk if I should/will just act normal, or tell her I ready her diary, or what. I feel like I should just let it go, and continue to focus on us, myself, our relationship, and see if red flags come up as time goes on.
I also want to acknowledge I know I should not have read her diary.. I know this. That is her private space, and should remain private. I didn’t do so because I don’t trust her or have any concerns, honestly it was just on the table and I let my curiosity get the best of me. Never read her journal before, and didn’t expect to read something like that.
So.. I’m seeking advice for what I should do from here. If I act like I didn’t read her diary, I expect I will get past this with time, and like I mentioned, I honestly don’t expect she’d actually do anything with Eric form here moving forward. But.. maybe she would if a good opportunity arose? I don’t know. Eric is a good guy, I couldn’t see him trying anything with Sara. But of course I will look at them differently when we’re all together..
I don’t want to overthink this, but I also don’t want to just let it go.. I know it’s going to bug me a bit. Do I talk through this with her..? Tell her I read her diary? Don’t tell her but just casually bring up Eric at some point and ask if she has feelings for him, based on what happened in the past? What do I do if I bring it up and she denies any feelings for him?
Random times through the years, when this memory of that night would pop in my head, I would sometimes talk with Sara, and tell her it still bugs me, and gives me some minor trust issues. She has confirmed to me through the years, when I bring it up, that there’s nothing to it, she was drunk.. etc. I can see how she wouldn’t want to be fully 1000% honest with me, because.. yea, it would throw me off a big.
Considering she is soon to be the person I am going to marry, I just feel a bit weird about things now. Not to the point where I feel like I need to hard-stop, break up, necessarily. I would want her to be honest with me if we did talk about this.
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Edit 1: I want to also add although we are engaged, we do not have a set date for a wedding. We’re considering eloping.. still piecing it together and talking through what we want to do.