I (22m) have been like this my whole life, I get attached to girls very fast. It causes me a lot of emotional and mental distress when it’s not necessary I would love to work on this.
As a good example, I am now talking to a girl that lives near me. We have been talking for a week. We have hung out twice. I really like this girl, I wanna hangout with her and talk to her all of the time. We were supposed to go out today but some things happened and we weren’t able to but it actually made me pretty sad. She apologized and asked if we could do something later this week and I said of course but she has to let me know when she wants to do it. Thing is I literally just met her. How can I mitigate this? I get sad over things that shouldn’t even matter until it’s a legit relationship.
I am causing myself a lot of unneeded stress and any advice would be necessary.
TLDR: I get attached too fast and want to fix it
Edit: we met on tinder, I literally can’t stop thinking of her. She is always on my mind. I can barely wait 2 minutes before I respond to her
I also am occupied. I work, I do combat sports a few nights a week, bible study once a week, I play video games, I go to the gym, I hangout with friends
2 comments
well if you’re anything like me, what’s happening is this: You had nice parents. They provided love, happiness, and validation to you throughout your life. Now you’re an adult, and they don’t do that anymore. So you need someone else to do it. You’re far from alone, because almost all of us do exactly this. “you make me so happy, babe” is a sentence we’ve all felt and said.
But people can’t actually provide love, or happiness, or validation. They have their own to worry about. But we keep struggling for it, clawing at it, begging the other person to give us those things. And the more we need it, the more quickly we become attached. We look outward for people to tell us we’re doing a good job, that we’re worthy of love.
But people are just human, which means they’re always disappointing. Not in a bad way, but one person’s “I’m five minutes late for dinner” is another person’s ruined date. Disappointing. But that doesn’t make us sever our tie to them. It makes us cling even closer, because if we try really really hard, they’ll be perfect, and if they’re perfect, our relationship is perfect, and I must be happy.
You can only love yourself, you can only validate yourself, you can only make yourself happy. Your relationships do not define you, and you are not less of a person while you are single. The only thing wrong with you is that you’re not “you” enough, because you’re still looking to other people to provide you with things they cannot.
If you can BE happy, if you can love yourself, if you can work hard and be proud of what you’re doing, then you can SHARE happiness and love. You can never get it, only live in it with someone else who feels it too. Whatever you need to get you there is up to you, but right now you’re addicted to girls because you let them define how loved you are, and how happy you are. it’ll never work.
man i feel this. i try not to show it, but it’s so hard. my ex and i dated for 9 months and broke up with me 2 months ago and from the beginning i knew he was different from the rest. i haven’t been attached to anyone in a while because i’ve been trying not to and when it happened i knew it wouldn’t be good. and it of course happened lol. he broke up with me because he “lost feelings” (it’s not the only thing that contributed to it) but apart of why he said i lost my independence. i don’t know how, i never asked for money and wouldn’t get upset if he couldn’t talk (i would but as a joke and made it obvious as a joke and he liked it anyway) and he’d tell me a month into the relationship how he can’t live without me. (i hope this isn’t too selfish, im just trying to relate)
to be honest, i don’t know how to fix it but with your situation it just sounds like a typical crush:) it doesn’t sound too harmful. you just gotta remember you’re only human and everyone is different. emotions are always valid ya know? you’re allowed to feel sad if plans get canceled and you’re allowed to want to talk to someone you get along with!