My date was 25-30 pounds overweight from the pictures

38 comments

1. Everyone can gain weight, it happens. The thing is she probably wasn’t feeling good in her skin right now so she using her older pics. That said if you had a great time and you like her, that’s clearly the most important so go for a second date. Weight comes and goes but a cool relationship is hard too find 🙂

2. Don’t forget covid timeline was a thing so it’s possible people fell into a depression / worked from home / couldn’t go out as much.

   You either enjoyed her company or you didn’t, does weight really matter when you’re into someone who makes you happy?

   My advice is not to bring it up because you have no idea if she may have a health issue, medication that fluctuates her weight, or if covid/depression/loss of a loved one could have affected her. Going out with you and feeling like you cared about her probably was a very nice highlight for her. Do you want to split over this?

   Just be a kind human being and remember that bodies change just as our circumstances/lives do.

3. Are you mad because her photos were out of date or because she’s heavier than you expected?

4. If you enjoyed her company then let it go. Weight makes a lot of people nervous

5. I’ve been in a similar situation before. Went out on a date with a guy who had gained like 30-40 pounds more after his picture was taken. I let it go because dating apps are honestly brutal and I understand not everybody is comfortable with their body and that is not their fault.

   I first enjoyed his company so we went on a second date, and a third, not on a forth. I learned he was very insecure and I just couldn’t handle it. It could have been the reason he chose those pictures, but there is no way to tell. I’d say, let it go and see for yourself the type of person she is.

6. Give it more time. She might be a little shy too!

7. Most people aren’t updating their profile super regularly. If this is a new/more recent thing (past 2 years) I can 100% see this as not her lying or hiding anything but her simply not updating her pictures but also knowing she looks a bit worse right now. If you like how she looks now, you should just enjoy the second date. If you’re not attracted to her heavier form that’s totally fine, but don’t lead her on. But personally this doesn’t read as intentional misleading, just the standard ‘shit happens, people gain weight but not everyone updates their tinder regularly’.

8. I have also put on a lot of weight over covid. But I own a camera. I could take new post-covid photos if I wanted to.

   On the other hand I wear a suit and tie in my LinkedIn profile and never, ever IRL. So I guess we all advertise ourselves a bit dishonestly.

   She mildly catfished you. She could have done is have the better pix on the app, but then on some pretext sent you more recent pix before the meetup

   Only you can decide if you can live with the insecurity that implies. (I think it was insecurity rather than a naturally deceitful nature)

9. If you are attracted to her and enjoyed her company, go on another date and see where it leads! I’d say this is probably a poor judgement call on her part, nothing more. We all want to present ourselves in the best possible light. It’s rare to find a connection so I say see where it goes!

10. Are you still physically attracted to her?

11. How was she clearly embarrassed about it ? Did you bring it up? Did she ?

12. If you like her, forgive her and give her a chance. Body issues are a bitch.

13. I mean, did she still look attractive to you? And not to be superficial but even if she gained some weight but still looks attractive to you, I wouldn’t worry about it. We are slowly going back to normality since covid started and I still know people are just starting to date again.

    Give it time, give it a second chance.

14. Lots of people put weight on during covid and lockdowns

15. I hope she doesn’t go on another date with you. You sound like a prick.

16. At this rate the things that op is commenting, I think she’s better off not having a second date.

17. Is it really extra weight or were her photos just flattering?

18. I’ve had this. The date was using pics at least 15 years old, and she’d put on 50lbs at least. I don’t mind the weight gain as I like somewhat bigger girls, but it’s the deception that put me off. I didn’t want a second date.

19. Tried to meet up with a girl once that had gained so much weight from her pictures, she was unrecognizable

20. She’s not the first or the last person to use the most flattering photos of herself in a dating profile. If you like her and are attracted to her, go on the second date or more and get to know her. If you see evidence that she’s not an honest person, you can stop seeing her.

21. I think sometimes your own perception of how you appear in photos can get skewed. When I used to online date I would use photos I thought were just super flattering but in retrospect it probably made the real me look like butt. It’s hard to accurately see yourself the way others do. Maybe she just sees them as “the best version” of herself.

22. I have seen screenshots of AH’s that like to match people just to criticise their weight. I like to stay positive and think maybe this is one of the reasons she hid it.

    If not, she might be looking for someone that *genuinely* doesn’t care about the way she looks. Hell, maybe she gained weight during the pandemic and is trying to lose it. Idk, it could be many reasons.

    But I came here to tell you this, OP: you’re overthinking this too much, at the point where I’d just advise you not to go out with her again. You sound like you DO have a problem with her weight, even if you deny it in your comments. Seems to me she won’t be having a great time with you, so let her find someone that won’t judge her for this.

23. It’s fine to not to want to date her. Lying by omission is a thing. People are allowed preferences. Reddit thinks everyone should want everyone lol 😆

24. Everyone uses an old photo.

25. ITT: Fatties excusing catfishing

26. I have been in the same situation with someone I dated.

    We were talking alot during lockdown and I met him after lockdown. He probably gained 50lbs since his photos. I knew the photos were 3 years old because of Instagram but I met him anyway.

    So yeah he was larger but his height wasn’t true also. I worked hard during lockdown to lose the weight I gained (40lbs) before dating so that I wasn’t different than my prepandemic vacation photos, so when I met my matches I didn’t have this very problem.

    I felt abit annoyed that he didnt mention pandemic weight or the obvious height difference… for the weight we all were in the same boat, I spoke openly about working hard to lose the weight so just mentioning it would have been fine. And its not like I’m a model either, I’m still very ahem curvacious!

    I decided to let it go and see how the next date went because we had a great time and I liked him. Later I didnt address it because we’re all human with the same insecurities. The first date went really well and the next and the next and we were happy for a long while afterwards. Very quickly for me it was a non-factor but the deceit by omission I agree is not cool!

    Maybe see how the second date is, its just a date at the end of the day 🙂

27. Don’t feel obligated to date someone who was deceitful towards you.

    I know of a couple people who tried to be less shallow and continue to date someone after any degree of catfishing, but ultimately ended up dooming their relationship from the start. If you, for example, had difficulty getting or maintaining arousal towards someone, especially as a male, that can build up a lot of resentment in the other party. It can be especially wounding and not something a relationship can easily recover from!

28. It’s one date. You either had fun or you didn’t. If you’re not attracted to what you saw, don’t go on a second date. Pretty straightforward tbh

29. Yeah, I’ve had guys show up on first dates with a lot less hair or way older than profile states/pics. I’d say if you aren’t attracted, or don’t feel a spark move on, it’s not being shallow just don’t waste your and her time

30. Maybe she didn’t even notice she had gained so much weight. I put on 15lbs before I even realized I was gaining. But it’s absurd to think she was intentionally deceiving you, like she obviously knew she was going to meet you and you’d see her then. But tbh op it sounds like you’re looking for justifications to not go out with her again over her weight. So don’t then.

31. You guys talking about 30 or 40 lbs like it’s 5-15lbs

    Everyone fluctuates and can slip up, but lying about that much would be a game changer for me.

    Sorry but if you’re that much overweight from your own pics you aren’t keeping up with me and the things I do. I’d be skeptical of why you don’t maintain yourself but again we all look for different things. Deal breaker.

32. From OP’s responses about her I’d say she’s too good for him.

33. It is lying – but ok, so is make-up or push-up bra or showing a leased car..

    I once went out with a girl from Tinder show was 150 pounds more than on the picture. We agreed to meet at a lamppost in front of a mall and as I was standing there scouting for the girl – I by no chance would have expected this girl to walk up to me and say hi. At first I honestly thought she wanted to give me some promotion or something – I was shocked when I realised it was her.

    In our talks before the date we were talking how we both like to climb mountains, hike etc. But she was sweating just from our walk’n’talk and even with that I knew our lifestyles wouldn’t match. It is beyond my world why she would just depict herself as someone else because she was very kind and still good looking – just not a girl for me.

34. It’s been a rough few years. I feel like most people I know are either up 50 pounds or down 50 pounds from the stress and trauma of Covid, lockdowns, etc.

    If you like her, as she is right now, let it go and take her out again. If you don’t, don’t take her back out. Don’t harass or bother her about the pictures. Just decide if you want to move forward or not.

    Whatever you do, be kind. Most people gain weight during periods of stress or difficulties… don’t pile on.

35. If you had a good time and hit it off with her, why would you not go on a second date with her?
    Maybe she hadn’t updated her photos in awhile? Weight can fluctuate pretty quickly for some women due to hormonal issues or other causes.
    If she was honest about everything other than her weight, maybe she just chose photos that made her feel better about herself? Maybe she’s working on getting back to that weight.
    There’s tons of plausible explanations and I also don’t feel that it’s lying (even by omission).

36. If y’all are having a good time don’t let a minuscule issue like this stop that.

    If you end up really liking this girl, maybe work with her on diet/exercise.

    Other than that just leave it alone.

37. Fuck the old pics. Who cares. If you fit you fit. Keep going.

38. This is a hot take from a fat person (lmao) who has gained and lost the same 20-30 lbs forever…. if your first instinct is to run to Reddit and ask if you should go on another date with this person…. You probably shouldn’t. Like I’m not kidding, if someone made this post about me, I would be devastated and embarrassed as fuck.