Hey, I’m (27F) working on breaking free from my people-pleasing habits. In the past, I’ve had folks take advantage of my doormat tendencies. I am not upset about it though, it was in the past. Recently, I’ve began to establish some more boundaries but I wanted to know if I am being unreasonable or antisocial by executing them.
Lately, I’ve made some new friends, and I’ve noticed invites to go places often come with an unspoken condition: I end up being the designated driver, usually initiated by one of the girls. If not, it’s just a vague “you’re welcome to join” sort of situation. I never really understood why the formal invite had to always have an expectation attached, but I just accepted it twice. This became exhausting quickly so I stopped after doing it twice.
Fast forward – I got invited somewhere, but then the invite got taken away without anybody letting me know. This was an overnight setting so they ended up getting a hotel. Even though I’d already RSVPed, the plans went on without me.
I started to distance myself from this new group of friends and the host of the hotel party/event texts me asking me for a favor. She asks me to loan her money until she gets her hotel deposit back which means the folks she invited left her with the bulk of the bill.
I said I didn’t have it. I am wondering if I’m being mean here? I do have extra cash but because she only texts me when she needs a driver or a therapist or a “favor” I didn’t want to be taken advantage of again.
TLDR: Am I being inconsiderate for not wanting this person to continue to take advantage of me? I can notice passive-aggressive behavior toward me as a result of my actions.