I’m a 31f been dating my current bf (34m) for the past 10 months. The relationship is very happy and I see a future with him hopefully.
Both of us are in fairly well paying jobs, the discrepancy in income between us isn’t enormous (he earns about 8k more than me)
Like everyone always says, it happens when you least expect it, and he came along at a time when life wasn’t great. One of my issues was I was in a bit of debt when we met, not a lot (3.5k) but I had no savings at all really.
I never mentioned this to him as I have been working to pay this off, but with unexpected expenses and I was a scam victim a couple of months ago I still have about 1.8k of debt to go. I’m reading a lot about finances along the way, and as it’s no interest I’m trying to build a bit of an emergency fund (I have about 2k in there now)
My boyfriend is really good with money, and has a lot in savings. He wants to buy in the next year or two. I have quite a complex around asking for money, I have too much pride around it and never want to financially burden someone so I never ask for help and I don’t deal well with gifts, although he likes to treat me, I always want to at least repay in some way.
Because of my debt and no savings, I feel quite inadequate in our relationship. I’m working hard to save, increase my earning potential and likely I’ll be debt free in 3-4 months. I wanted to get to the point that when we move in together I’d have a nice cushion, but that cushion is looking small with the unexpected things that have come up over the last few months. I’m really working on my relationship with money and I want to be the best partner I can be from a financial perspective, but the inadequacy I feel is weighing me down a lot.I also don’t want him to suggest to help me either (doubt he will – but I had a friend have this before and it makes me feel sick to think about)
I have thought about ending the relationship to sort my finances, but I believe he may be my person so I don’t want to give it up. I want some male perspective here – how would you like your partner to discuss money? How would you feel if your partner had no life savings so couldn’t contribute much to a house in the next few years? Any advice appreciated!