Me and my girlfriend have been together for about a year, and when we first met it was like I found the love of my life, just everything about her I still love, and I still do.
It’s up to a little down the line in the relationship she started being very blunt and just snappy with me, and criticizing me. Over the months I just kept it in, but there was moments I’d tear up and just keep it to myself. I just felt like I was walking in eggshells alot of times with her, I brought it up with her a lot of times and just it never got resolved or had a serious discussion about it. I wasn’t comfortable walking the way I walk, clearing my throat, smiling the way I wanna smile, laugh the way I do, openly kiss her or hug her in public or behind closed doors, how slow I am, how overly romantic I was without upsetting her. And I guess over the time, it really brought down my confidence to be around her. From crying on my birthday, to flirting with somebody in front of me, to how ugly I am and how lucky I am to have her. I’ve done alot for her, things I’m not gonna mention but just hurts me how much it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t excuse what I did.
I’m not painting myself to be a saint, or a victim, but I never made her feel the way she made me feel til few days ago, I was watching porn and just I made the stupid mistake of clicking on a ad of women nearby and texted a number, and just wanted to feel complimented and attractive, I sent a text to the number but felt really guilty after they responded back and didnt respond back or anything. I know I’m at fault and doesn’t excuse what I did, she found out and called me everything in the book, saying she loves me but doesn’t wanna be with me anymore but keep me in her life. I never did anything prior to this behind her back.
I never flirted, kissed, sent pics, or any of that, didn’t have any intentions of doing anything.
I just wanna work things out with her, and ultimately tell her how she really made me feel during the relationship without it breaking us apart forever, cause I love this girl, I know I messed up but didn’t escalate or motion to do anything. I know I deserve a lot of the blame for what happened, and I can own up to it.
I’m not this big time playboy or cheater she thinks I am, I’ve always gloated about her, talked about her and just tried to praise her but deep inside, I felt nervous of making her upset or be criticized by her. I didn’t wanna escalate her actions into arguments with her. I’m just venting at this point, no one to talk to and not many friends, I just wanted a women’s point of view.