Hi. Throwaway account.
TW: SA
Context: So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a month (17F, 19M). He has stated, while we were still friends, that he is saving himself for marriage. While I am totally fine with this because sex isn’t the biggest deal to me, I have had a few sexual partners in the past. I also have been through sexual trauma (grooming, coercion, SA). He knows about most of these experiences. I feel like these experiences have made me feel as if I need to be over-sexualized to be loved. This realization hit me because this is my only relationship in which we haven’t really spoken about sex yet, and I do feel like he doesn’t find me attractive because of this.
Anyway, I am wondering if I should speak to him about this or not. Upon asking if he would ever do anything besides traditional sex before marriage, he said that he only would if I wanted to. I find this so odd because usually someone would be either against or wanting to be sexual. Not just doing it because their partner wants to.
I’m just lost. Is there something wrong with me- am I unattractive to him? Or am I just so use to being over-sexualized that relationships feel fake when I’m not?