What to do with friends from dating apps

14 comments

1. I’m in a similar situation, but I’m your boyfriend’s position. For the woman I’m seeing, a number of her friends are exes of hers. She’s also got a FWB and one of her friends she had wanted to keep things open with. All of that is very stressful for me. But I’m not going to stop her from seeing her friends.

   My advice to you is to not stop seeing these people, they are your friends and your boyfriend has no right to stop you. But do be understanding if he expresses his discomfort. Talk with him about it and be considerate of his position. Keep communication open, but be mindful that you are still allowed to have your own life outside of him. A healthy relationship is about balance and boundaries.

2. I think it’s more based on context, like you guys go out for a coffee or to eat that would be normal friend stuff. Plus you’re involving this guy by bringing him and letting him meet them. I’ve got dating app friends that were only ever friends and it doesn’t matter to me where we met since the outcome was platonic and I can’t imagine dealing with someone who would be that jumpy early in a relationship

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4. I think it depends on how old you are. When you’re younger, this can seem a bit awkward. If you’re in your 30’s and you genuinely have a good friendship with these guys, its easily explained to your new BF as: “I know Mike because we went out on a date once. There’s wasn’t a spark but we get along great and like to play kickball in the town rec league. Both of us have dated other people since then. Mike’s going to be at the brewery we’re going to on Saturday”

   For emotionally well-adjusted people, this shouldn’t be a big deal.

5. I would say be honest and have conversations where you both are compassionate with each other. Build trust by being transparent and discussing situations that have the potential to cause distress.

6. Talk with your boyfriend about this, and see how he feels! I think it’s a really good sign that you are willing to bring your boyfriend out to meet these friends, and that will go a long way to earning his trust. If you were meeting with them in secret one-on-one, that has a VERY different vibe than doing group hang outs where your boyfriend is there too. Open and honest communication may be awkward at first, especially given all of society’s messages about opposite-sex friendships, but it will be best in the long run.

7. You can be friends with whoever you want. I don’t see why it matters what happened in the past as long as you’re only friendly at this stage.

8. I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but here are my two cents from a male perspective: If I’m going on a date with a woman from an online dating app, then I’m attracted to her (telling from her photos) and am intending to get physical and maybe start a relationship if everything else clicks as well.
   I cannot even imagine how letting that be and becoming ‘platonic friends’ instead is even happening. Have both of you always decided ‘nope, no spark, let’s just be buddies’ ? I’d highly doubt that. So if maybe you’re feeling no attraction, at least some of them most probably do and wanna meet up because somehow they still are hoping it’s gonna go down.
   So out of respect for your BF you should leave those ‘friends’ aside because they obviously don’t respect your relationship neither.
   Only exception would be if they are in a relationship as well in the meanwhile, then double date it is.

9. Following because I never know what to do in these situations either lol.

   My natural way of dealing with it is to stop hanging out with any guys I met off dating apps. But I also don’t generally put in much effort to befriend guys I meet off dating apps because I already have enough friends and I need to focus on them haha.

   I do feel bad but I know if the tables were turned I’d not be a fan of those friendships.

10. Maybe this is just me, but I just assume that anyone with a platonic friend of the opposite sex may have been more than that at some point ranging from a crush, hookup, few dates, full relationship, etc. As long as you disclose the nature of the past relationship I am mostly comfortable (probably wouldn’t like you having 1-1 hangs with a past hookup though). So as you are honest and set reasonable boundaries, I am okay.

11. You shouldn’t be collecting friends through dating apps.

    You’re on dating apps to date. Find someone to date or don’t. But now you’re in this weird middle ground where someone is going to get hurt.

12. Honesty is key to a good relationship just say we met and he didnt make me feel the same way as i do with you.

13. There are tons of people saying weird stuff… but remember, this is your life. You get to choose who is in it and why. I’d say the best possible thing to do is be really direct and open with the boyfriend and see what he thinks (also, give him a day or two to think it over). Discuss what you’re both ok with and why. Really, really talk about the why.

    Remember everyone: You can’t stop someone from cheating by being controlling and paranoid – most people cheat for more reasons than, “Oh the opportunity presented itself.” Maybe they have generally poor impulse control, or they wanted some extra side action and excitement but aren’t honest enough to talk about it, or they don’t actually care about the relationship much. A good partner isn’t going to cheat just because.

14. As a guy, if I knew a bunch of your friends had hooked up with you, I’d be out.

    There’s something to be said for maintaining healthy boundaries if you want a long-term relationship.