My girlfriend (21F) and I (23M) have been together for almost 3 years. Marriage was brought up about a year ago and I have had a ring since, I’ve just been contemplating because of my views on her family (when you marry a girl, you marry her family). That saying is no exception for my situation. Her mom and twin sister are her best friends, and it’s not that i think they are bad people, i just don’t enjoy spending my time with them. They are fake and revolve around negativity, talking bad about everybody, having a victim mentality about every little thing that happens, having so sense of boundaries/privacy. That being said, I feel like she also prioritizes them over me. We have had a few conversation about my opinions, and they typically aren’t productive; she either sticks up for them, or says i hurt her feelings and don’t understand why i feel the way i do, no matter how much i try explaining. The more I think about the situation, the more I think it’s not going to work out in the end and I should just save both of our time. Don’t get me wrong, I am in absolute love with this girl, but I don’t want to get in between them and cause resentment from either party, nor do i want to put up with said things in my marriage. What would you do in this situation??
More backstory:
We have lived together for about a year and a half. Before we lived together, I owned (still do, currently renting it out) a house about 45 miles away from her hometown. She had mentioned moving in together, which i was game for, but she insisted that we would have to get something closer to her family. We looked for months but couldn’t find anything reasonable, so she talked me into moving in with her family until we could find something; i was hesitant at first but caved in the end. That lasted for a little over a year, so i spent quite a bit of time with her family during the process; quickly coming to a conclusion that I do not enjoy spending my time with them.
We recently purchased a used trailer house a few months ago (with a loan from her parents, around $35,000, and they own a lot a block away from their house that we put it on) and have been living in it for about 3 months now.
I work a swing shift (2 weeks on days and 2 weeks on nights) and work about 50 hours a week on average; she works part time at starbucks and cleans a daycare 3 times a week with her mom and sister. I know with my schedule it can be hard to spend quality time together, or just any time together at all, and i hate to be the guy who counts how many hours his girlfriend spends with him in comparison to her family, but she spends atleast 30+ hours with her family every week and the most i have spent with her since we’ve moved out was about 25, a couple weeks have been less than 10 (i don’t do anything but work and sit at the house, all of my free time goes to her whenever she isn’t at her parents house).
Also, since the topic of marriage has been brought up in our relationship, it’s all she talks about. That, having kids, and being a stay at home mom. It gets brought up at least 3-4 times a week, and when she sees someone post on social media about getting pregnant or married she gets upset and says she’s behind in life and whatnot. I feel like she just wants to be a wife and mother, instead of wanting me to be her husband and father of her kids.
Are my feelings valid? Am i overthinking and being crazy?
I am currently at work and am a bit scatterbrained, so i’m sorry if there’s so confusion or missed points.
I may come add more to the comments
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**TL;DR;** : I am concerned about family issues and priorities when my girlfriend brings up marriage and having kids. Should I be concerned? What would you do?