So here is the situation. I (19/m) met a girl (19/f) because we go to the same university, we started hanging out and ended up being together for hours. It could be me but I feel like whatever I say she just understands more than anyone. She revealed to me pretty early on that she lesbian and all good. At least that’s what I thought. I didn’t understand my own feelings until she started going out with a girl and eventually had a relationship which lasted about two months. That’s when I realized I had a crush on her and without wanting i acted in a toxic way out of jealousy. About two months later the crush on her had become something deeper. One day we were just hanging out at her place and she goes like: “do you like me”? Of course I felt the adrenaline running through my blood and at first i tried to act confused but then I just revealed my true feelings. After that it was pretty awkward for a couple of weeks but that conversation really helped. She was clear that there’s never gonna be anything, i was a bit hurt but I started moving on. And when I really felt like It’s time to move on this happened. We got really drunk and she was flirty to me. A girl that when we met after a month she would make the most typical hug know starts to touch my thigh when i talk like every 10 seconds and she was not even drunk yet, we had normal conversations. When she really got under the influence though she would hug me so tightly while our heads leaned forward, intertwined her fingers through mine, and touch gently my neck while I played with her hair. This happened a week ago and nobody have said anything about it yet. She claimed she doesn’t remember anything. We met today and I just feel frustrated and sad, she saw and still no one said anything.
Could she be feeling somewhat the same way and not admit it to herself or it was just the alcohol speaking? Should I talk about it or there is no point of making things super awkward?
Tl;dr: I am in love with a very close friend who is a lesbian. I thought I was deep in the abyss of the friendzone but recently we got drunk and she was really flirty with me. What should I do?
2 comments
She was drunk and you were the other person in the room, end of story. Either she really doesn’t remember anything, or she’s super-embarrassed because she’d never do anything like that sober. She’s already been crystal-clear in telling you that she only likes women, several times, and even forced you into confessing your crush just so she could tell you to drop the fantasy. Clearly she appreciates your friendship enough to tolerate your obvious crush on her, but SHE IS NOT INTO YOU. Eventually she’s going to get tired of having to remind you about that, and kick you out of her life. You are not treating your friend respectfully when you constantly try to minimize the significance of her sexual orientation.
I’d advise you to put some distance between you and this friend until you truly get over her, ideally by falling in love with someone else. You run the risk of blowing up the friendship entirely, if you keep hoping she’ll change her mind and like you the same way you like her.
You are still very much friend-zoned, and if you don’t like it there, your choices are simple. You can either walk away from the friendship entirely, or take a temporary no-contact break so you can regain your equilibrium and move on emotionally. I’d advise you not to get back in touch with her until after you are in a happy new relationship with a straight woman.
Trust me, she’ll understand (and probably feel vastly relieved) when you tell her you have to do this.
Maybe she is and maybe she isn’t. As in maybe she is into you and maybe she isn’t. Maybe she is fully certain she is a lesbian and maybe she isn’t.
Studies have shown that if you place people together, they will find things they like about each other so long as one or both of them isn’t a jerk. You are consciously attracted to her because she is a woman and you know that you have some things in common (including liking women, but that’s beside the point). She likely has some feelings for you at some level….
…and you are nuts if you start trying to find that level.
There are other women out there, especially in college. Why are you investing yourself into a woman that is not overtly interested in you? It’s dumb. It’s the same thing as the poor unpopular kid wanting to only date the “hot” girls and completely ignoring the ones that might be interested in him. You want to chase what you can’t have.
I’m not telling you to ditch your friend, look above, I understand. That said, you need to get some distance, for at least a few weeks. You can even tell her that you have feelings for her, that you respect that she doesn’t feel the same way, and that you need a few weeks to let the feelings die down.
In that time, put yourself in a position to meet some girls that might be interested in you.