Hello All. This is kinda a long rant lol.
I am a 21 year old female and dating is making me physically ill. I was in a relationship with my highschool boyfriend for many years and we ended things fairly maturely and mutually. I took a few months off from dating but after the relationship I didnt feel particularly broken or in need of healing and I know that I do want a long term partner so I started dating.
I downloaded a few apps because that was the norm and started speaking to different men. I mean the dating scene was absolutely vile. After being with someone the majority of my adult life i was just shocked to see the people who were in the dating scence. I didnt know much about it because most of my friends were in long term relationships and I was virtually the only one single. But the men truly repulsed me.
I never been one to say “I hate men” etc because I truly didnt I loved men, I had no issue with my ex I thought he was a wonderful person and kind person I just accepted the fact that maybe we truly weren’t meant for each other. But the men I proceeded to meet were awful and vile. 90% of them were ragingly insecure and it was so obvious. I deleted dating apps becasue after mutiple dates I was convinced something was truly wrong with those men. Ive had more luck the natural way, but I have truly reached a point where dating is vile to me. The men are actual painful to interact with.
Theres also this ridiclous new narrative that women are cheaters or liars because they are attractive ? Which is funny to me because I dont even know alot of women who cheat, most women get cheated on but some how almost every man I ever met has been cheated on ??? Or the man complains that the women is trying to steal his money which is even more ridicolous like im 21 i know that the man i meet wont be a millionaire we are all in college. What money does a 21 year old man have I mean seriously. Like most of them are absolutely delusional LOL. I just want the man to be nice and but most them arent even that LOL. All of the men seem more happy to complain about women on the dates and their previous relationships then to really try to get to know you. Which was also vile and not really a conversation starter like I dont tend to talk about my previous relationship when trying to speak to a new dating prospect i just feel like thats in bad taste lol. I mean granted Im complaining about men right at this moment but I NEVER did such a thing on a date. it sounds so silly to say and but its almost like most of the men I went on dates with where threatened by me.
Im just very confused because with my ex it never felt this way, it just felt very simple . He never showcased being threatened, he never tried to put me down to uplift himself. like i truly did not know a majority of men where liek this. Ive had A LOT of men try to “humble me” on literal first or second dates. Things ended pretty quickly. One guy I did end up trying to take serious turned out to be very manipulative and tried to tell me I should loose some weight ????? and asked me to weigh myself when I am clearly not obese, I was a cheerleader and gymnast for years.
It got to the point I went down a rabbit hole serarching and the tactic is literally called “negging” and its something men use to try to make a woman feel bad about herself so she will sleep with him. The concept was so foreign to me because I had never seeen such a thing and I would never date a man who is rude to me. I mean its honestly fucking sickening lol. Its been on ongoing pattern and its just heartbreaking. I try to be nice, I try to be feminine, I feel im a kind person, I am not a cheater and I want a life partner. Ive been on many dates. I tried differnt kinds of men. I did have good luck with one man who ended up being very kind but the distance was so intense we decided to call things quits. I really am to the point where I want to give up on dating. Dating makes me physically ill, literally nauseous. I just wanna meet a kind and normal person lol. I am worried because I do want a life partner but I refuse to be with an insecure man just to combat loneliness but I also do not want to end up alone. Im just at a loss and worried I wont meet anyone. Any advice to not loose hope?