Need some insight. 7.5 year relationship ended
To give some more context we have been dating since September 2017. This last year has been a rough year. With lots of up and downs. Things got worse in October 2023. She tried to breakup then but then decided to fight. I started going to counselling for my childhood stuff. She went a few times but then stopped. Asked for space for basically all of December. New year eves come and then again decides to work at this the right way. Then after my birthday gets triggered by a response I have and does the same thing of wanting to break up. The learned behaviour throughout our relationship is something I’ve been trying to address and actually work on. She has gone through a lot as a kid. Parents are split and overall has overcome a lot of challenges. But the things that the men in her life have done to the women in her life are now being applied to me in terms of she is afraid the cycle will repeat. But here I am trying to do anything and everything to be better. I know I am. I have my flaws. But I am genuinely trying. Anywho it got to a point where I agreed to end things because as my counsellor said, she was checked out.
This is her message after I asked her for no contact and to not be friends for a while:
“I’ve read your message over and over and I hope my response helps and does not hinder. Although I know it’ll be painful and I am sorry. Thank you for everything you said and the honesty. This is going to be really hard and I’m genuinely sorry, I really am. Sometimes to grow individually we have to place ourselves in situation of uncomfort and we are both experiencing this. I will always cherish the good memories and I will never paint you in a light that is dark. I hope this time apart and the growth that I embark on will bring us back to one another. But for now i focus on what my next step is and it’s to find clarity and grow individually without the pressures. I wish it was a perfect world and I could be beside you while doing this but I really am finding myself in a unique situation where I can’t do it all. I see your growth and I am proud of you, I know hearing all of this is confusing and I wish I could make it easier, I hope one day it’ll all make sense. Please take the time you need, take care of yourself, be true to yourself you deserve nothing but happiness. I hope you know I will always be here in moments of urgency and I look forward to the day we reconnect to update one another. “
After the breakup she asked to be friends. Initially I said yes but after getting a message 10 mins after all this saying to watch tv made me think we shouldn’t and be no contact for a little while.
To give more context as well. She has asked to keep my location on as we shared it. And she won’t turn hers off. We also share a lot of subscriptions and memberships and doesn’t want to end that either.
I am just confused how this message doesn’t hinder me and gives me this false hope.
How am I suppose to take this message? Move on or is there hope?
Any insight or advice would be nice.
Edit. Just want to add this note, I know a lot might think she is going to jump to another guy or fuck around. I genuinely don’t think she is going to be doing that based on conversations at the couples counselling. She is so lost and doesn’t know what she wants anymore in life. But again I could be wrong.
2 comments
You definitely need to give her space.. you should never chase a relationship.. as of now you are on your own and I mean if she is going to come back she will do it on her own but don’t be surprised when you find out in a few months that she is dating someone else because I’d consider it a high probability.
I know 7 years is a long time to “throw away” but if a bitch is that unstable I would have been the first one to leave. I think the real travesty here is how willing OP has been to take this mental and emotional beating…all for an easily replaceable woman.