I’m autistic, so I have many issues with how fake seeming and hard to understand “normal” conversation tends to be, but “How are you?” is perhaps my least favorite. 90% of the time, people ask it without expecting any response at all. They say it like it means “hi” and keep walking past without any chance for a response. Those other 10% expect a response and that’s even worse, because how do I respond to that in any way other than a hollow “fine I guess”. I don’t know these people asking, and I don’t want to get personal with how I actually am. It feels intrusive, non-genuine, and the best way to make me suspicious, insecure, and irritable.
I’m thinking about this because I’ve tried so many times to be social. I have no friends or family, and maybe I’d like to make friends if anyone seemed on the same wavelength, but the very first thing everyone asks in greeting is always “how are you?” and it instantly makes me want to stop talking to them before I’ve even responded because either they’re lying in the name of social correctness and don’t actually want to know, or they’re prying too much when I don’t know them at all.
Finding people with similar interests to be friends with would be great, but the moment conversation starts it’s all plastic masks made of societal niceties and what the hell am I supposed to do with that when it makes me so uncomfortable?