I (26F) am quite a curvy, large chested gal of the goth/alternative variety and after many years of being insecure about my body, I’ve grown to appreciate my curves and express myself through my wardrobe choices. However my serious bf (37M) has made me change *almost* everything about myself.
We’ve been dating for about 9 months now and in the beginning he would say I’m his dream girl and that he’s been waiting for a woman like me all his life etc. and he used to say I look good and always made me feel good. But through getting to see his true jealous side I’ve learnt that when he would take pictures of me (I thought for memory etc) it was actually as a way to show me that my outfits look like a p*rnstar and all men think of when they see me is sex in legs.
I worked at a bar when we met because I’m a self-financed student and it was the only job available, but he would freak out so often and we would have such bad fights because he was convinced all the men in the bar wanted to try to woo me and they would leap out their chairs when they saw me. So I quit the job because it wasn’t worth the pain and arguing anymore on the promise from him that he would help me find something more normal, but three months later and I am almost entirely financially dependent on him (my own mistake I acknowledge) and his jealousy is ruling my life
I cannot go to a bar or nightclub etc with a girlfriend for a glass of wine and some girls night dancing because “of course there are single men there and they all want to seduce me” and it’s “single behaviour” to be in a building with single men
I am not allowed to post any photos on Instagram without his approval because he doesn’t want anybody to see what he claims as private or his (my breasts)
I’ve been wanting to move to a bigger city for job opportunities for myself, and we would live together because of finances, but he has threatened to stop the plan because he is worried about what will happen to me there with other men, and he doesn’t want to be responsible for the “inevitable” even though he knows I am very unhappy where I live and need more opportunities to be more independent
I’ve had to completely restructure my wardrobe because he thinks I present my breasts for other men whenever I leave the house and he feels too ashamed to hold my hand or be with me outside because of how men look at me and that it makes him feel made fun of. I offered to go shopping with him and he can show me what he would like more, but it makes me feel like a doll if that makes sense
He gets angry when I disagree that I am my own person and I should be allowed to dress how I want, he claims I disrespect him if I am in any ways revealing and I’m not suitable for a relationship if I’m too attractive to other men
He doesn’t want me going grocery shopping or using public transport alone because of how men look at me and on the slight possibility that there is someone like him
He claims that if a man looks at me it’s an invasion of our privacy as a couple and I am responsible for not presenting myself to men, provoking their sexual thoughts or drawing attention to my curves because it’s disrespectful and shameful for him and men cannot control themselves
* I don’t wear corsets or tight leather or bondage gear, predominantly skirts and turtle necks or lace tops and such
** I am very introverted and completely transparent about if a guy does ask for my number in the street (which they never do apart from him when we first met)
*** there are wonderful sides to him and he has been a loving, kind partner and I see a future but I’m slowly feeling like nothing I do is good enough and I cannot be myself anymore
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*TLDR: dealing with major jealousy issue in relationship because I have very large breasts and my partner is controlling about my life so as to prevent other men from looking at me. Any advice is appreciated*