[Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ap7s3f/i_36f_found_out_that_my_husband_38m_has_a_camilla/)
Thank you to everyone who responded to my previous post. A lot has gone down since I posted, and not much of it has been good to be honest. I’m starting to wish that I’d let well enough alone, but I guess I’m stuck now.
So I sat down with my husband and told him that this whole Val thing was really bothering me, that I’d never heard her name before for someone he held in such high regard. He explained that she had cheated on him and had married the guy she cheated with. They stopped speaking for a while but they started being cordial again as she was having problems in her marriage and through her divorce. He swears on his life that there’s only friendship there, that he can’t ever forgive her, and that he has no interest in her romantically anymore. We share location history on our phones, and have cameras on our house, so I know he’s not lying about seeing her.
My husband was my first in a lot of ways. Everything except my first kiss. So I tend to be a bit more jealous than others. My husband has more of a past and it makes me very uncomfortable even though I know it’s a reality that I have to accept. I’m also diagnosed as on the autism spectrum, so I tend to be socially awkward and miss certain cues, which caused me not to really have close relationships up until him.
I was over at my parents’ house telling my mother about Val. She kept telling me not to worry, that everyone has a past, and that he obviously chose me. Little background, my father is a girl dad. I’m the third of four girls. He’s been my protector my whole life, and he will go after anyone that hurts me. Dad overheard mom and me, and came into the kitchen.
“Are you serious right now? He’s talking to Val again? I’m going to * him!”
I asked my father how he knew about Val. I looked at my mother and she was looking at him with a horrified look. He said he overheard us, and it’s not right for him to talk to other women. They tried to talk around it but I demanded an answer and they finally relented.
My mother admitted that they had arranged my marriage. We’d been seeing each other for a month and I met his parents. Shortly after, his mother called mine, explained about Val, how they were afraid he would go back to her, and how they wanted to do everything they could to make sure that their son married the right girl. I asked my mother why she agreed, and she admitted that they were afraid I was gay and that I wouldn’t ever have children. She said that’s why my husband was immediately invited to every holiday. That’s why he was introduced to multiple relatives in a very short time. That’s why they referred to him as family before he proposed. They were trying to set the tone in my mind.
My head was spinning. I told them I had to go and I couldn’t talk to them anymore. I drove home and felt like I couldn’t breathe. I walked into our house and told my husband everything.
He laughed. He actually laughed. He told me that he’d figured it out a while ago and thought I had too. He told me that his parents paid for me to go on vacation with them, they made a point of getting everyone in the family to share how much they liked me, they gave him “extra” gift certificates to take me out to dinner and other events, his mother cleaned his apartment and did all of his laundry while he was at work so his nights and weekends were free for me, when he said he was going to save the money for a ring they gave it to him, and they kept telling him what a good match I was for him. He asked his parents while we were engaged if it had been the plan to keep him away from Val, and his mother admitted that it had been.
He told me that he fell in love with me while we were together, what he feels for me is real, and that he loves the life we have together. He said it doesn’t matter how it started because what we have is strong and real.
I don’t know how I feel. I can’t even talk to anyone because I’m apparently the only person who didn’t know this happened. I feel like such an idiot, I am furious with his parents for doing this, furious with mine for going along with it, and hurt that he didn’t tell me the truth once he figured it out.
I do not know if I want a divorce. My husband has been trying very hard to be supportive of me. I’ve told him I don’t feel like talking. He keeps asking me if he can get me anything and asking me little questions to try to get me to talk, but I can’t even get my feelings straight right now. I feel betrayed by every person who is supposed to care about me and I have no idea what the hell to do now.
Tl;Dr Husband is not having an affair. I am in an arranged marriage and I am the only one who didn’t realize it. Our parents suck.