Hello all;
Alt-account for anonymity. Last year my former boyfriend of 2.5years (I really don;t like the word ‘ex’ to describe him) had broken up with me. His main reason, while out relationship was very good and very healthy, was that he didn’t see us as long term partners. I was devastated and it was very out of nowhere. I had no clue and it hurt me a great deal. I realize now whatever those reasons are don’t matter — its where I hope we can go from here. He was engaged for 2 years and they broke up 2 months into the pandemic after a 6 year relationship,. We met after he had 2 relationships for 4 months each so I still wonder if he has commitment doubts. Whatever those are, they’re no longer an issue for us moving forward as much as I know and feel.
Since then I have been in therapy and worked a lot on myself. I realize that lately while the relationship is gone — we were great friends apart from he romance. It was the first time for me I felt the “I married my best friend” was possible. His friends were all kind and good folks and accepted me warmly.
However I know I needed distance and to eliminate the reminders around me. I de-friended/blocked many not out of spite; but because it was what I needed. Since then I have healed and feel I can forgive hem for the relationships end; but will always have a little reminder-scar of how they left. We talked a few times in between. All very upbeat, kind, and positive. We were not ever malicious to one another — and I wish overall we had communicated a little better.
I feel lately I want to finally reach back out. I want to try and have a moment of peace between us. As friends we shared a lot; and I realize our romantic relationship is long gone. But, they wished long ago to stay on good terms; but understood that they wished they had better prepared for our split. Their words were “I know I am the bad guy in this”. He’s a good man in every way possible.
Lately I wanted to reach back out with a letter. I figured text-bomb would be to much, a written letter to weird, so I prepared an email. My therapist things so long as I am ready to accept that they’ve moved on, I may get a “fuck off we’re done leave me alone you’re too late”, a “I’m engaged now”, “I’m seeing someone and they’re not comfortable”.
What I am not after — us getting back together. I realize I cannot miss us as a couple any longer. Its over. But I do miss a good friend, the connections between; and the fun that’s always sharable between people not in arms or in a set of sheets. I really enjoyed someone more in my life to share jokes, insights, board game ideas; and I would even be fine with “I can’t [new partner] and I are going to [place]”. But i need to start somewhere. I don;t want to have a feeling we’ll run into each other and it be awkward forever.
My therapist thinks I have made great progress the past 2 months. I’m less angry, I’ve cut a HUGE amount on my drinking, and really focused again on my personal growth. They’re giving me a decent thumbs up but I wanted to see what the random-world may think.
TL;DR: Want to be friends, finally, with my former boyfriend again. I know what I must hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Here’s my way of reaching back out after 4 months no contact and almost a year after our split.
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HUGE EDIT: Removed my letter. I’m not ready I guess. Thank you for replying, and, I’ll go back to my therapist.
LIfe is hard. I just wish people would stay in life in even a friendly capacity. Its lonely, its harsh, pand having new people to connect with just isn’t the same as I knew before and wish. I just want to have as many positive, communicative, and supportive people I can in life. I know my ex is a great person. I don’t want to say “you got scared, you were a POS” because its not true. But, I’d rather have an ex be a friend than keep struggling to meet new people.
Its not about wanting to be back together, its me wanting that friend offer to still be there.
Sending *NOTHING* for now.