I (29, m) have spent much of my life being shy and alone , not wanting to make friends, and this made me miserable and so sad for most of my life.
3 years ago I decided to change myself and go to college (never graduated high school) . In doing so I got into a state school and was so excited to finally have a normal life where I can be what I want to be .
Last summer, before I left I met a beautiful , wonderful, loving , and sweet person, my girlfriend Jane (25, f) . She told me she would move, but circumstances around that changed and now she still hasn’t moved.
Because of my shy nature and my attachment to my girlfriend, I then proceeded to not make any friends or go out this last year. Literally don’t know a single person at this school.
Now I find myself getting jealous of my girlfriend , because it seems like she is becoming more social than she previously was, saying it’s because of our great relationship that allows her to feel like herself.
My problem is though that she has everybody with her back home, and I have nobody here. I’m not jealous like I think she is cheating on me, but jealous that she feels so much better than I do. I feel miserable , so miserable being alone. Yes I’ve done it my whole life, but I’ve never handled it well.
I need touch. I need to be physically loved. I find myself staring at women around my town and it pains me because I know it’s wrong when I have a girlfriend to wish I could sleep with other people, but I can’t help it, my mind is a bit perverted and I hate it .
It’s causing me problems now. I’m getting mad at her for dumb stuff. She said she is planning to move in July, but she has already changed her mind twice now about when she will move, so I feel like I can’t trust her. I feel like Im helpful to her in her established life, but that she is dragging me down while I’m trying to improve and change. I’m not good with social interaction and I was so excited to have her here with me, but now I can’t even imagine or see it happening. I was always the type of person to hook up with friends, and being bi-sexual doesn’t help this.This causes me now to feel like I just want to break up with her now, because I don’t want to keep this downward spiral going and actually hurt her somehow .
Mentally , physically , I feel sick. I feel depressed again and it’s ruining the relationship . I don’t want to lose her, because we both treat eachother like royalty and have the best relationship in person.
Any thoughts?
TLDR: I’m ruining my long distance relationship because I am so lonely and bad at having platonic friends . I need help so I don’t ruin this relationship further .
2 comments
So your lack of friends is completely on you, *your* responsibility. What work have you done on that?
Your gf does not want to be the only source of your social support system and she may be wary of uprooting her life to move to a place she doesn’t know where *she* only has you for a support system when you haven’t been together for that long. That’s not a reasonable expectation.
You have some more work to do on yourself first before you totally latch on to one person in a relationship. And maybe a long distance relationship *isn’t* for you; but you still can’t latch on to one person and not be able to function by yourself.
I commented, but I want to give you some more advice:
1. Join some groups, Meet Up groups (there’s generally some 20s/30s groups), join some after school activities or clubs, volunteer, attend a group class in any interest, put yourself out there to meet new friends. Widen your social circle. Meet Ups are free. Co dependence anonymous groups are free. So you’re not so co dependent on your gf. Her social activity shouldn’t be your concern. You need to have more social things happening as well for your life and mental health. Aside from her. You mentioned you have a prevertive mind (whatever that means), I wound definitely seek out therapy for that. You shouldn’t be thinking about sleeping with other women while in a relationship.
2. Like I said below, therapy and a co dependent anonymous group would be very helpful for you. A therapist that you feel comfortable with (which may take time to find) will help guide you.
3. As the other comment said, a long distance relationship might not be right for you. It’s not for everyone or every couple. It’s really really hard. Especially if you are less independent, it can make you feel very lonely and sad.