My mom is irrelevant, I’m an only child. I’ve been with my best friend/bf for 7 years this year. I’m looking to begin to enforce change with some bro-friendly boundaries.
Since my bf and I are best friends we’ve spent a lot of time together the past 7 years. My dad and him have grown tight. Sunday 2:30 we all agree I’ll be the designated driver to pick up take out. They go in and “order” leaving me in the car to “have a beer” for over an hour pleading not to be impatient before going. Eventually I’m calling and calling; they’re saying it’s so busy, it’s backed up, and to hang tight. Whatever. Finally truth comes out my dad’s drunk and lit with the ladies, and the bf wants to finish his beer, stay with and they never even ordered. I was livid. I’m not really a drinker, but I would’ve went in to hang if they asked me to come. They didn’t bring the food home after I went home, they stayed out bar hopping til 9.
There’s no way out of living with my dad. I was doing it on my own before when his abusive long term partner pushed me out of his life as much as possible. To add fuel to the fire on this he has been on and off still with that abusive partner, after ending it for a while entirely. He seemed to really end it again with this night out Sunday but he’s back OTP with the ex again rn.
This was a first. It’s a layered situation. My bf was watching him, cheering him on. It’s the way they seemingly forget my existence in the car, and in other ways which bothers me most. I still love their bond so much. I just want to feel apart in a triangle dynamic, which I know is always psychologically challenging. I’m also seasoned with alcoholism so the alcohol intake doesn’t effect me personally, it’s nothing compared to my mother.
In regards to my father- there’s nothing I could say to him, my bf gets through to him somehow. He’s a clown, and a 63 year old child. Still my first best friend. It’s kind of a funny problem, and I know my bf will work with me on anything. I just want to continue to show them to take me seriously, and give me more of a voice, without leaving room for deflection with the way they start roasting me. Clearly the boundaries I’ve been setting aren’t enough.
TL/DR; Any ideas on bro-friendly boundaries to encourage some change in compassion?