I (F18, bi) started masturbating from a very young age. I started with the shower head and then went to using my finger.
From the second I start masturbating I tense up completely: I push my head against a wall, I put pressure on my legs by pushing them against the bed and this even leads me to raise my upper body during it – I need to be completely focused and tensed up and there’s no other way for me. I used to be able to orgasm with porn without tensing up but not anymore either. I also masturbate way too much and when I’m bored and not even aroused. I probably masturbate 3-4 times every single day. Sometimes I do it so intensely that my head hurts after or my knees are very sore. I’ve been doing this since I was maybe 12? I am also a very anxious and insecure person and and I have ocd.
My bf and I have started having sex in October. We‘re both our firsts. I am so in love with him but I just can’t orgasm with him.
1. he doesn’t do the exact finger movements and pressures and not in the same exact place that I do
2. I can’t come from oral either
3. Sometimes I’ll pressure myself to reach orgasm or start overthinking during sex. Then ofc it doesn’t work. Or I just go into it with the attitude that it won’t happen anyway. I also feel bad for him cause he must think it’s his fault but it isn’t ofc
4. the first time I masturbated infront of him it was really hard to come and the orgasm was way less intense
5. I once orgasmed when I was high and guiding his hand and the other time I squirted when he was fingering me + oral
I love sex: it feels really good and I’m wet and turned on most of the time. I just can’t finish!!
My OCD theme is Homosexuality and this is just making me think I’m a lesbian atp even tho I know my feelings for him are genuine and I enjoy sex. However, I read from lesbians online that they could never achieve an orgasm with their male partners and now I’m scared this is my case.
Someone please help! Why can’t I orgasm and how do I learn how to? 🙁