I (20M), like the title says, don’t know who I am outside of my relationship with my (20f) girlfriend.
This post is kind of hard to write as I just realized it recently, and I don’t know what to do. I’m kind of having an identity crisis right now.
My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 4 years now. We grew up together in high school, we are both Math majors at the same college, we are in the same clubs, we have the same internship, and we have been living together for a year. We are basically the same person, and it’s starting to get to me.
Most of our similarities can be chalked up to going to a small university and taking all of the opportunities we can get. However, I don’t have a single original thing about me apart from minute details (favorite shows, books, etc). I am starting to realize that I am a shell of the person I once was.
I used to be outgoing and passionate, always doing something to drive myself forward. In comparison, I have failed my past-self. I don’t have friends, my gpa has dropped significantly, and my mental health is terrible.
I want to find out who I am again, but I feel like I am backed into a corner. My girlfriend and I do everything together 24/7, and it hurts her feelings if I neglect that. She can get jealous if I spend too much effort on other people and she feels sad if she is left out. I tend to avoid a lot of things because of that. I hate seeing her upset, especially if I am the reason.
I love her so much, and I don’t want to stop loving her. With how entangled our lives are, I hate the idea of to giving up on us now. Still, I feel isolated and I want to make a change for the better.
How do I branch out without shattering my entire reality? I’ve thought about going on a solo trip or even moving schools, but I know both aren’t really possible. Even with joining a club by myself, I don’t know how to break it to her that I want to do it without her. I want to be a person again, just like how it was when we first started dating.
This is my first time truly posting, so if I can clear anything up for clarity’s sake let me know.
TL;DR- My girlfriend and I are the same person on paper. We do everything together and study the same things. However, I’m struggling to find my identity outside of my relationship. I need guidance on how to find space in being a person again while maintaining my life with her.