TLDR: I am going to be visiting some friends that live on the other side of my state, I will be gone from Friday morning to Monday evening and I am having immense anxiety over leaving my boyfriend.
I’m not sure if this is the right sub to post in so if there’s somewhere else I should be please let me know. My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 5 years now and without getting into too many details, I can say that the first 2 years of our relationship were not the best. We had both recently gotten out of pretty long winded relationships at the time of getting together and it definitely felt more like a rebound situation than anything else for a good while. During the first two years, we broke up constantly, had poor communication and (although unconfirmed) I have suspicions that he was seeing other people during our off times even though he said he wasn’t. I am also mature enough to admit that I have some pretty bad attachment and abandonment issues from previous relationships and childhood that I have never worked on mostly bc I can’t afford therapy. Because of some unresolved issues I can definitely say that I have trust issues, although I’ve been able to work on them and I’m not as bad as I was even 2 years ago I am ashamed to say that some of them still exist. I am excited to see these friends and spend time with them, it has been a while since we’ve all been together but I can’t shake the anxiety I have about leaving my boyfriend. This is the first time we’ve spent an entire weekend apart in probably 3 years and I can feel my old insecurities creeping in. For reference, we have been living together 3 years and live with some family of mine. The ideas of him leaving to do hell knows what keep swirling, I understand that these are probably attachment issues and that I have been in this relationship long enough so I should move on from them but I’m having difficulties. I guess I’m just looking for advice as to how to muddle these feelings and pits of anxiety because they’re making me lose my mind. I know this is probably something that I need to ask a therapist but at this point, all I have is reddit so please be kind. Thank you.