To make it short, I’m 22(F) with an extremely high libido during the last year and have been experimenting sexually on myself for a good couple of months. I haven’t had sex nor a boyfriend due to various circumstances: mostly due to low self-esteem (slowly getting over that, thank god), certain values about penetrative sex (I’m a romantic at heart so I’m all in for that “first time” shebang), also the classic “can’t have a boyfriend until you’re done with college” schtick.
My sexual experiences last year have been all focused around the exploration of my self-pleasure, and I’ve been gifted a vibrator by my friend. Now this is where the hard part comes in, I can’t cum even from simultaneous external and internal stimulation. I’ve tried clit stim before, but I made the mistake of pulling away once the feeling got too intense. I haven’t had the chance to try it out again because of a really hectic schedule and because I really wanted to get vocal while I was doing it (I still live with my parents </3).
Around the end of the year, my depressive symptoms started showing again and I’ve been prescribed with Mirtazapine. Although, I do have to mention, that even before the antidepressants, I felt my libido gradually decrease (perhaps partly because I gave up any attempt to make myself cum). I’m not sure if the antidepressants added to that. I’ve tried watching porn, but I wasn’t able to feel aroused. Tried reading erotica as well. Didn’t work.
So now I’m in this weird slump where I can’t decide if I wanna pursue this goal of making myself cum or should I just go about my life; try to distance myself a little to thoughts about masturbating, and let the medication run its course until I feel better. Then go back to my little nutting quest. I don’t wanna miss out on something that feels so natural and easy for others. I feel as if my brain and body need to be reworked to the max just so I can experience the same pleasure.
Tldr: having trouble orgasming; have been sexually exploring during the last year, reached a slump this year and now I don’t know what to do.