I (38) am just coming out of a messy marriage but have been emotionally detached for a while because things were so difficult with my ex (divorce proceedings ongoing). There is a kid in the game from my side. He (45) is coming out of an almost two decade lasting relationship. He’s separated for almost a year but emotionally hung up on her. Sometimes he says it was a great relationship, sometimes he says there was a lot of hurt over the years. It sounds like it was a bit of an abusive relationship because she didn’t want to commit and kept hurting him. Either way, he says he’s not over her at all. I’m also still in a situation with my ex but less on an emotional level, more organizational (divorce, coparenting etc) and that comes with difficulties as well.
Long story short, we’re both in need of a rebound. When we met, we instantly clicked and started seeing each other quickly. But then he kind of friendzoned me while at the same time constantly wanting to see / meet me. The other day, he sent me a long letter saying he’s scared to hurt me, scared that I hurt him, confused, feels pressure doesn’t want to commit etc. I also don’t want to commit but would be happy to just go with the flow. I’m now not contacting him much but he still wants to hang out, contacts me, is a little flirty.
Now I’m not sure where this is going. He’s not over his ex, we like each other, he obviously likes me too (and says so). I’m fine with something easy going but what I don’t like is that he on the one hand wants “friendship” now but then sends these mixed signals all the time. He’s flirty.
Any advice how to handle this? Should I just stop contact? Am I setting myself up for a heartbreak? Should I go with the flow?
TLDR; How to handle seeing someone who is not over his ex and who is not very clear with what he wants?