My wife and I are pretty disconnected right now.
We have been married for 2 years and together 7.
My wife is intelligent and ambitious. I am not dumb, and less ambitious/ less organised.
Anyway we had our daughter last year and adding the stress of no sleep/ unhappy baby has intensified the bullshit within our relationship.
Firstly not to portray myself as the victim, but my wife has always been a little verbally abusive. She will scream at me in any setting. In front of friends, in public doesn’t matter. She believes that’s her truth, telling her opinion.
If I’m yelled at I shut down into a silent nothing. Or I’ll say I admit I shouldn’t have done that like that.
Anyway the main reasons we fight is because I don’t take much of the mental load. (I will do some cleaning and I will take care of my daughter when I’m home from work. ) Sometimes if we go out, I might forget to bring something ect.
Any way I work fulltime. My wife works part time and takes care of our daughter the other parts.
Some things that has happened through our relationship. She has been disgusted by mannerisms I have. She has put me down a lot. She screams at me if she’s feeling frustrated, like if we have an small argument- like the other day I said to get the pram out of the car for my daughter who was overtired. She asked why. I didn’t answer because she asked in a sharp way, I was trying to avoid the next part. She then screamed at me in a public car park that I fking know better, I can’t handle one day blah blah.
One thing that really boils my blood is her screaming at me with my daughter in the middle of us making my daughter scream. It makes me sick. Like I can be mad but my daughter doesn’t need to be traumatised .
She thinks I love being a victim, by expressing my upset about being yelled at all the time. Or telling her I can’t respond when I feel attacked.
She never thinks I know what to do for my daughter because I’m not home all the time. Which is fair, but I’m trying. I look after her whenever I’m home.
We are currently disconnected. We have sex but it’s not very connected, I don’t take her on dates or buy her nice things unless it’s an event.
I think I resent her and I find it hard to do it.
I know we need therapy. Or something. Idk what to do. Sometimes she tells me to go find someone that would put up with my shit and I think maybe I’m not that bad and someone else wouldn’t yell all the time. I acknowledge I have a huge part in our breakdown. I struggle with communication.
I’ve lost myself, it’s slowly been demolished into nothing and I don’t know how to regain it to fix this.