before you read my rant i wanted to say im embarrassed and i have had 2 kids because this wasn’t always the case
me and the babies dad have been together 6 years. we have 2 girls together. 4yrs and 3 months. i have had pp with my first but this time has been amazing thankfully! i’m a sahm
i just don’t know how to communicate to him. he just shuts down. he isn’t mean and never yells. never name calls. he never understands my concerns and i feel like im beating a dead horse. he is not a bad guy or dad AT ALL. but when i tell him i need more help he just doesn’t understand?? or take in what i mean.
when i say i need more help i mean helping me get the girls dress, bathe them and do what a parent should do? i watch them all day and night. nighttime routine and morning routine. he brings our oldest to preschool. i change and wash and do/get what the kids need. he doesn’t understand or have the instincts to just change the diaper, clean the bottle, help me throw diapers away. he just tells me i didn’t put them in the diaper pale after me telling him its full… still hasn’t taken care of it in 2+ weeks. i just stopped reminding him at this point. he tells me he’s the $ maker and he’s tired.
anytime i ask him to hold the baby he says, bring me the swing, just put her down.. he doesn’t feed her. he props the bottle so i just do it cause again. i’m tired of asking. he doesn’t get it. at all. i feel sad tbh because im so used to having someone like my dad who cooks and works but doesnt say how he works so he shouldn’t have to do anything else. my dad my whole life was amazing and was my mom/dad.
my partner always has something going on when i need him. he says oh i was about to get up to get food. i was going to go take a shower. it’s the same thing over and over and over!!!
today i needed to go to urgent care as our baby had had a cough. she’s been seen but i’ve had no tests done. so today i get to urgent care he brought us and doesn’t get out. he said he needed to go home and take a mf shower.???? he was planning on leaving us. he said how long will you be. like.. wtf. he has 0 plans today. no work because he’s on paternity leave… i was shocked as she had rsv.
i just feel so alone sometimes. i feel extremely tired of having to ask. instead of him just doing it. i know men don’t have the instincts mom have. i’ve talked to my grama who is like my mom and she said men are just this way? men can’t read our minds and need to be reminded.
i just needed to rant and feel silly for even complaining because i do love him more than anything. he’s not a bad dad and partner. he helps me most of the time when i ask. he’s just poor at communication and shuts me out when we have problems which isn’t often honestly. we have wayyy more good days than bad. he doesn’t get mad at me when i tell him how im feeling he just gets quiet. he has freedom but i dont i feel like but we both don’t go out. we don’t party or smoke. he is tired when he works and i fully understand. i appreciate him letting me stay home with our kids. he just can eat, bathe and do what he wants when he wants. i feel sad i have to ask to eat there’s days i don’t eat or don’t eat till 3am.
in my mind i dream of someone just asking me. can i help you with that? can i get you anything or i already packed the bag for you. things like that.
TL;DR my partner doesn’t help me as much as i wish he would and when i voice how im feeling no change is made. it used to be different.