I, 19F, and my boyfriend, 24M, have been in a relationship for only 6 months. I’ve always had a hard time dating since I was never really attracted to any of my exes but this time with my boyfriend (let’s call him Raymond) we immediately clicked.
Just for some context, when we first started getting to know each other, I had set a boundary with him asking to respect the fact that I didn’t immediately want to jump into a relationship so quickly. I asked for us to feel it out for 3 months before we made it official to make it 100% sure that we were even into each other (which I think is a normal thing to do) and he respected my decision. After 2 months, I realized just how much I liked him and instead of forcing him to wait another month, I made it clear that I was fine with making it official. Ever since we started dating, we’ve never argued or disagreed on anything to the point where we’ve almost broken up (which always happened to me in my past relationships) but the one thing that I feel weird about is just how sure he is about being with me.
I’ve never been able to commit to a relationship, and for the longest time, I thought that I had commitment issues but after dating Raymond it all changed. I actually want to be with him long-term but I always have my doubts. Unlike me, Raymond seems so secure in our relationship’s future. He always asks me if I want to get married with him and he’s constantly mentioning that a lot of our problems would be solved if we moved in together but I always tell him to wait a few years. I’m still in my first year of college and I don’t want to move out until I at least have my bachelors but he seems so bummed out when I say that. He’ll always bring up how I hesitate and I don’t even know how to respond since I do hesitate, I’m a big over thinker and I constantly think the worst will happen to us.
I was also never interested in the idea of a promise ring but after being with him, he introduced me to it and I honestly loved the thought of it. I even told him to not give me a promise ring until we were together for at least a year but he didn’t even wait half a year. Don’t get me wrong, I ugly cried when I got it, I love Raymond with all of my heart and soul but his constant comments of moving in together and getting married and sometimes even comments about having kids scare me. To be fair, I made it clear to him when we started dating that I never wanted kids and he respects my decision since I would be the one carrying the baby, but sometimes I feel like he does want to have kids and he just says that he’ll only do it if I want them too. Point is, sometimes I feel like he gets a little too excited about our relationship, and I remember when we both started dating that I asked him if we can slow down the pace since I’m not really used to dating like this. Of course, he respected my decision but I feel like he still gets ahead of himself.
I spoke with a friend of mine and she said that it’s probably because he’s a few years older than me and has even been in relationships that have lasted more than 2 years. I feel like this is such a minor problem and I’ve talked to friends about it but none of them really know how it feels. They just say to talk to him but I don’t even know how to bring it up.
I told him when we started dating that I never wanted him to limit his passion for our relationship since it was something I admired about him and I don’t regret saying that. But how can I tell him that I think things are moving a bit too fast for my own comfort without him thinking that I’m not serious about our relationship?