I’m writing this post as I’m sitting in my room feeling empty and feel like there’s this black hole in my chest.
I met this incredible guy whom I liked in every way. We dated for around 4 months. Initially we agreed that neither of us where looking for anything serious right now but as time went by, I noticed myself getting more and more feeling towards him. So I gathered enough courage to ask him if we can just make us “official” for the time we’re dating and it doesn’t have to be like a committed “relationship”.
Well, then he told me relationship is just not something he can not commit to right now regardless of how serious it was.
After this talk, I took a few days to decide what to do and decided to end it with him. Last thing he told me was “you’re the perfect match but the timing is not”
After years of dating, this person was almost everything I was looking for but I’m back to the starting point yet again. I understand that him not choosing me makes him not the right person for me and I’m still hopeful my person is still out there but Why does it have to be so complicated?
I’m sorry for the rant. Thank you for reading.
14 comments
I believe in right person wrong time, but I don’t necessarily think that this is it. There are definitely lessons for you there though, and we have to suffer in order to grow. Well done for ending things, you did the right thing.
Story of my life
I want to tell a story similar, but not the same.
I went on a few dates over a span of a month with this one woman name Pam way back in 2016. Not the longest time to be with someone, but it felt special. She embodied everything I was looking for in a woman: smart, funny, similar taste in music, nerdy, attractive, good chemistry. She broke it off, she worked as a Zookeeper and was constantly getting sick. I think the stress from being sick and (knowing this in retrospect) that she was considering a career change put a strain on us. We ended on good mutual terms.
I thought “perfect match, wrong time” too.
Except years later in 2021, we matched again. She hadn’t forgot about me, nor I of her. Minor red flag: she said she regrets how she treated me, in which I didn’t feel mistreated, so some guilt for something I didn’t know was there.
We ended up having two more dates. First date felt like seeing a friend again, that you used to have a flirty relationship with. Not strained or anything. She was now a vet and had a side job at a movie theater. I won’t judge, but she’s got no kids and she’s got roommates, so I didn’t understand the need for 2 jobs.
Second date, seemed off and I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was like she was preoccupied in her head. I kissed her at the end of this date and she said “so we’re doing this?” with a laugh, and I said “yeah?” Haha as they say, ooof.
We talked about a 3rd date, but it never happened. I ghosted her, or it was mutual, I don’t know. I was annoyed with all the excuses, she wasn’t interested enough to make dates, but she kept in contact long after the second date just keeping me on the backburner.
TLDR – “Perfect match, wrong time” might as well mean nothing more than “this could have happened under different circumstances”
There is no right person for everyone, we just need to accept it.
Sometimes you “match” quite well but that it, nothing special in particular
Felt this hard and now I’m sad
You both entered wanting casual and that changed on your end but not his. Can’t say I blame him and good that he was honest but I am sure that was difficult for you.
Does this mean you will now look for something serious?
Perfect match implies both of you are ready and willing to be with one another. Timing does play a huge roll in dating, because one person or both, are not really ready for a relationship for whatever reason.
I’m sorry that this happened to you. He’s better in your head than he is in real life, I guarantee. And you deserve to be committed to.
timing is everything
You needed to meet this person so you could meet the right one. Experience begets experience.
Oh wow, that title really spoke to me. Beautifully said.
Ugh, I experienced the same thing. I dated a guy for 3 months, and asked him to be official.
He said he liked me but wanted the freedom to flirt with other girls, that he was young, and that while he is always on the lookout for a relationship, he doesn’t feel the 100% with me yet. “With my last ex it took me 2 years of on and off dating to make it official with her.”
I ended things and obviously for a while I wondered why I wasn’t good enough, why everyone seems to find happy relationships except me. But then I realized it’s not me, he just wasn’t the right person.
Funny enough a month later, he writes to me that he didn’t realize how “good of a person I was for him” and asked if I wanted to try dating him again.
But by then I’ve already started seeing someone else who was actually even more compatible with me, and asked me to be his girlfriend a month later haha
It’s just not the right person. The right person will want to be with you.
Good luck. Don’t feel discouraged. It’s not you.
I’m crying as I’m reading this. I really want to give you a hug. Right person, wrong time.
That right time will never come. If it is the right person, you and him will make it work. Your feelings for him is beautiful.
I’m hoping for you that he was just preparing you for something even better!!