I’m 26f and getting FED UP lol. I feel so alone and I’ve tried the dating apps. I’ve met a few decent people but the ones I get attached to and really feel something for don’t want me apart from sex. I’m constantly feeling used and just so sad about how things are going for me. I’ve had a fwb (I guess?) for a while now who I’m far too affectionate with to comfortably call it just that. Nobody outside of the situation would view this as casual imo but I’m 99% sure if I tell him how I feel he’ll tell me we’re “just fucking” and I’ll get my stupid little heart hurt again.
I think I’m a very loving and caring person and I show that in everything I do for the people I care for and that same energy is rarely returned. I’m funny, smart, and I don’t think I’m a bad looking girl. Maybe it’s my taste in men who knows lol but I’m so lonely and sad all the time and genuinely feel like I’m going to die alone or settle with someone I’m not actually happy with as shitty as that sounds.
Majority of this is me venting if I’m honest but I seriously don’t know where to go or what to look for to find somebody to have a genuine relationship with anymore. I’m in University but everything has been online and all of the students are like fresh out of high school so that’s not happening lol. Also not able to meet anybody in the job I currently have. So what am I to do? 🙁
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I feel the same way right now. I don’t know what to do anymore and I feel like everything I’m doing is wrong. Everyone keeps say to be patient but so far it’s just disappointment and heartbreak after another. I honestly just feel like being a hermit mode with everyone in my life.
I think you should figure out things with your fwb, if you have feeling for him going at it ignoring the fact he might not be interested in a relationship with you could just mislead you.
What’s your friendship situation? do you have friends? If yes ask them to introduce you to someone you don’t know, this is not necessarily your target lover, but someone that will allow you to broaden your network, helping you meet other folks. If you have no friends or very few of them, start asking yourself why that is the case, it is OK to have few intimate friends, but if you’re lonely chances are you might need more. If there’s people who you were friends with who you parted ways with contact them asking for a honest opinion of you, but don’t take it at face value, consider who’s giving this picture of you (someone who you were mean to might not give you the most honest feedback, but it’s worth a try), ask someone who knows you to help you review the feedback you receive, this way it should be easier to filter out the “correct” traits that define you. Then you should take action to improve upon what you learn.
^ yes, #1 you should think about setting boundaries with the fwb. This way you don’t feel guilty or any sort of weird emotions from that. If the intent is just fun, then make sure you’re both on the same page.
And I’m in a similar boat I feel like. Good person, decently attractive but struggling on these apps. I’m a guy so I think I have different troubles on dating apps but yes women have to sift through all the bad guys that just want sex. Maybe you try looking a slightly older guys that are up front with what they are looking for. I’m pretty forward about it and ask like what are you looking for? They should be able to intelligently speak in detail if they’re not BSing. Also don’t just let a dude take you home (not saying you are), make him work for it. If he really cares about you he won’t mind taking things slow but don’t cancel on him every time also. Give him a shot with a first date.
Also guys find it attractive when a girl can be decisive and make the first move. Doesn’t have to be this grand thing either. Say you’re at a bar, and you see a cute guy, just make up some excuse like “hey I’m doing a school study for sociology and wanted to know if I could ask you a few questions” and then sit down for a second and if you get the right vibe then be like “actually I just though you were cute” and put the ball in his court. That’s just a random idea I just came up with but the point is there are good guys out there but they may be a little shy since guys get rejected all the time bc every girl seems to have 100s or unread matches in their dating apps. So guys have less to pick from and girls have too many to pick from (in general).
DM me to run ideas! Happy to help in more detail
>I’ve met a few decent people but the ones I get attached to and really feel something for don’t want me apart from sex.
I’m sensing a pattern here…
you’re so young and have so many possibilities! cut your fwb off, it will only hurt you in the long term. If I have any advice for you, it is: be single for a longer time, until you get to actually enjoy it; find a hobby, meet new people, make new friends. There are other kinds of relationships that can bring you fullfilment outside of the romantic ones! All the times that you will find a partner just not to be lonely, it will not be a good choice for you or your life. Only if you come from a place of comfort and enjoying your single life can you actually find a good partner, and you’ll know that you choose him for having an extra nice thing in your life, not as panaceum for loneliness.
Young attractive guys often don’t want long term relationships until they’ve gotten “it” out of their system, especially on dating apps. some might give that up if you’re extremely physically attractive. It’s just a fact of life. If you lower your standards on physical attractiveness you’ll probably have a lot better chance of finding a guy that wants something serious as he probably doesn’t have as many options.
What do you like to do? What are things you enjoy? Are you a reader? Hit the library or bookstore. Fan of wine? There’s wine tasting clubs. Enjoy cooking? Lotsa free classes out there to pick up or hone a skill. When you express yourself in the things you’re passionate about, people around you will notice the vibe you’re putting out. Similar hobbies and interests are a great start. We both Reddit, and viola! we met