Would you want to know prior to sex if your partner had a been a victim of sexual violence?
For context, this guy, 32M and I, 30F have been out a few times, generally speaking on the phone each day, and are on the same page about looking for a serious relationship. So far it’s been great. He’s super sweet and communicates really well. He’s told me that he’s really excited about me and we’re in agreement that we hope things work out (obviously life can happen, we both get that, but sometimes it just feels right!)
Anyways… I’m a survivor of some pretty intense sexual trauma. Was r**** quite young, more than once, by someone who was supposed to be a safe caregiver. I have complex PTSD as a result. I go to therapy, handle my shit, and I’m not looking for him to fix me. But there are certain things during sex that are an absolute no go for me. And sometimes (not often, but it does happen) I either dissociate or panic.
He’s planning to come to my place tomorrow night, and the implication from both of us is that we’ll have sex. That said, if this is someone I’m considering dating longer-term, I’m not sure if I should give him a heads up beforehand. If something were to happen, I don’t want him to think that it’s his fault.
Would your preference be to have a heads up, or not? I don’t generally disclose this until much later, but I really really like this guy, and this is something that’s a part of being with me.
TLDR: Should I tell a new partner about my assault before we have sex?