I am a 23 (F) that kinda have a hard time making friends I live in a very small town that doesn’t really have people my age and majority of the people on my town are male workers for the company that owns the town. due to that I resort back to trying to make online friends again.
I’ve made a friend recently online on twt after I joined a art community for a certain Fandom. She is a very kind and funny person she does amazing art and I love her art style so much also so inlove with her oc she made. We became friends right after I commission her to do my oc x cannon ship and she did such amazing job that I don’t have words for it so I drew her charecters as a gift as a thank you for the commission. After that we talked a bit and saw we like some of the same Fandoms and music. I felt such a connection with her and I just loved talking with her.
But a month later things kinda died down she some what stop being talkative with me. She also seem to became depressed from her ranting small thing on her personal acc, so what I would do is message her and ask if she’s okay. She vents to me once or twice and it felt nice talking to her and helping. But it seems like that died down too. When I ask she just says short answers and I even asked her if I’m annoying her in anyway then just tell me to stop but she reassures me that I’m not.
Even when she tells me I’m not annoying her I just stopped asking. When I do text her about someone funny she post or art stuff how I try to make the conversation go on a bit longer by just asking questions about her character and she would tell me. But it also kinda makes me a bit sad I’m the only one basically talking..it feels one sided as she has never asked anything about my character Or about me. And of I stop asking then she would just leave me on read or like the message and be left on read.
I usually think she’s busy but I also see he laughing and talking with her other online friends in the comments which makes me feel left out and just a follower and not a friend like she said I was.
At one point I even gave her 100 dollars when she talked about shipping for Figuer being expensive. I was has hopping she would see me more as a friend if I gave her something. She told me no but I sent it anyways and we laugh and banter over it and she told me that she is so honored being my friend. It felt nice but 2 days later things went back to the usual. Now it’s less and less. She stops replying to my comments under her post but still replying to her other friends and giving me dry text…6 days ago she actually texted me out of no were to ask me how I was it was the first time she texted me first. But the text got dry with her giving small text then just liking the message and ending it there when I wasn’t ready to end it..
So I was hoping how can I be more interesting to her to you know like me more..and would like talking to me..and be close again..
3 comments
Hmm, I’m not the best person to give advice here as I’m autistic and I don’t understand some stuff well. But I suggest that you do some research on attachment styles and people pleasing. It seems to me, that you got too attached too fast. That’s not healthy nor good for you, and it’ll lead to a lot of heartbreaks.
I hope others can come here and offer input on her behaviour. I really have no clue what’s with her. I’m sorry I can’t help much.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Try to talk with other people. And IMO you don’t have to change nor be more interesting. A real friend will like you by what you are. Never change, for anyone. Please, never do that. You’re enough!đ
Iâm glad you found someone you have so much in common with! It can be a long cast into a big world. Your friend has said she is not upset with you, and is even honored to be your friend. Note this, as you do not need to earn her favor back.
If she is engaged in other spaces, she may not realize how long sheâs left you on read. 1 week is a blink of an eye to some, and an eternity to others.
She may also not realize that you want her to be the one to start the conversation, or just check in with you. You may feel that is needy. But neediness comes out of repetition, not the inquiry.
Tell her what you would like, and come to some kind of mutual understanding, then help each other remember it, and learn more about her, and tell her how youâre the same. Then, when youâre both content, tell her how youâre different. Learn about her in ways that you arenât, and ask about them.
Take your time, and just let her know how you feel. Welcome back online âșïž DM freely.
I think that you may be doing too much to try and get her to pay attention to you. Remember, friendship isn’t transactional. This means that you don’t have to give people money or be more interesting to want them to hang out with you. The right friends will like you for who you are not what you can do for them.
You do seem to be focusing on this one person and that’s not good for either you or her! I would suggest taking a bit of a break from focusing on her and maybe trying to find other people online to make friends with. There are bound to be others with similar interests to you. You may not feel as connected to these people as your current friend but you can still have fun, casual friendships.