No comparison. I’ve been through a lot. My mother was emotionally abusive & unstable for most of my life. I was rejected and treated like garbage in school. I lost one of my best friends to cancer at 21. Ended a 4.5 year relationship due to my ex refusing to change. Lost my dad, my rock, to a stroke 2 years ago – I’m only 29 now.
But none of it, despite how painful and awful it all was, comes close to the absolute agony and existential horror that comes with losing the greatest woman you’ve ever met in your life. She was all in. She was so attentive, full of life & positivity, patient, model level looks, unbelievable in bed, total ride or die. The kind of all-in love you only see in movies. But I was fearful avoidant. I couldn’t handle it. My anxiety completely took over. She tried and tried and tried to make it work with me, but eventually couldn’t take it. Now she’s been gone for 7 months and has been with a new man almost that same length of time.
I don’t know how to cope with this. I know I’ve posted similar things, but it just doesn’t go away. It just doesn’t get easier. Every second of every day she clouds my brain. How am I supposed to find someone as perfect as her? I’m dating casually, but I couldn’t begin to imagine any of the women I’ve seen since being my gf. They’re not even in the same league for me. I try and try but I can’t think of a single thing she did wrong in the relationship. She was everything a man could ever ask for.
I feel like I’m just “one of those guys”. Someone I never thought I would be. One of those stupid low-life’s that women hate men for. One of those idiots who’s mocked for fumbling a good one and forced to settle for a mediocre love life. One of those people whose only purpose was to serve as a mere stepping stone for somebody else’s happy ending. A forgotten villain in somebody else’s love story.
The pain and regret is so, so heavy and perpetual. The thought of her marrying this dude one day… the thought of me dying alone or just settling for someone I like less. The thought of her haunting every waking moment for the rest of my life. It all just makes me want to give up. I don’t care about anything anymore. I just want her back. I’d do anything.