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The woman I’m dating told me she is not dating anyone else at the moment either. Not sure if this automatically means we are exclusive, but that’s just a label for me. All i know is that we both like to focus on each other and are curious to see where this will lead us! I like that we have the same mindset about dating.
Should I be telling women I’m dating up front that I never plan to cohabitate again? Found out after dating someone for a couple months that not co-sleeping was a deal breaker (I didn’t even co-sleep with my wife of 15 years) for her and it got me thinking, should I be up front at the very beginning about how I won’t live or sleep in the same bed together? Or should I wait until we’re both attached a bit?
I have a large property with multiple cabins on it, my plan is to live right next to eachother but have our own spaces. In the long run of course.
Running out of date ideas, there’s really not much to do around here and I want to cook dinner for her. Is date 5-6 safe to suggest coming to my place so I can cook dinner? We’re going slow so I don’t want to make it feel like I’m just inviting over for sex.
I’ve been a having a casual relationship with this guy for over 7 months now. We’ve got great chemistry and gey on really well but I seem to have caught feelings. I don’t even know I want to pursue a relationship if that was on the table. But by his actions it’s clear he doesn’t want anything more and inside it hurts. I feel unable to really communicate my feelings as I feel this will make things messy. We go days without communicating when I want to talk to him all the time. The sex is amazing, but is it worth the hit to my self esteem?. What should I do?
This guy said he wanted to see me this week then made no plans. Friday night I get an invite to join him and friends at a comedy show on the other side of New York just a few hours before the show starts. I entertained the idea of joining but ultimately declined. I had something with my friends already and told him that.
We chatted a bit before going to bed after our paths didn’t cross layer in the night. I mentioned making some plans to see each other over the weekend and crickets. No response.
He’s not interested right?
Toronto weekend DOT friends- come hang out with a few of us on March 15 at 8pm downtown (<10minute walk from Union).
DM for details!
I just learned that apparently stable and secure people really don’t care if they’re rejected and they just bounce back right away without it affecting their self esteem or confidence at all. Well, shit!
If I’m not that into someone and they ghost me or slow fade or reject me, it annoys me a bit but it doesn’t affect my confidence or my self esteem or my thoughts about myself. But when somebody that I really like rejects me, it makes my self esteem and stability take a hit that is hard to recover from. I didn’t realize that I’m supposed to feel the same way about people I like rejecting me as I feel about people I don’t like rejecting me.
I have a long way to go if I’m supposed to be cool when I’m rejected by people that I like and feel invested in. Damn.
My guy got a rapid onslaught of flu symptoms to the point that by the end of the work day, he’d gone from sore throat to body aches, chills, and fever. It was our date night and he wanted to go home so as not to get me sick but he was literally going to take a nap in his car—parked right outside my house—and then drive back home. I told him I was not going to leave him shivering in his truck and not to be silly, and finally convinced him to come inside and take a shower and sleep. That was 5:30pm last night and it’s now 1pm the next day. I went outside to pick up soup and dumplings since he hasn’t eaten since yesterday morning. Aside from having a quick bite so he could have something in his stomach for meds, he’s been in bed, sleeping.
Never thought I’d be in this situation lol. He’s one of those people who never wants to trouble anyone else, which makes it so hard to convince him to let me help. I get very worried, so i’ve been bringing him tea, made him have soup, gave him meds. I hate being sick! I find it hard to muster effort to take care of myself when i am not feeling well so I hope I can help him out a little.
So the woman I’m dating — everything is going *very* well, I’m going to a family wedding with her soon, she’s very into me and I her — professes not to care about orgasms. She *can* climax, either with herself or with me (as long as we use a vibrator), though not usually. What I’m confused about is that she says she does not care about this, at all. I have thoroughly absorbed the idea — from previous gfs, from everything I’ve ever read about sex and relationships, from female friends’ tales of what they didn’t like about their loser exes who didn’t even try to make them O — that a guy who doesn’t consistently try to make his partner climax is bad in bed. She claims not to think this, and says she thoroughly enjoys and wants sex regardless of whether she climaxes. On top of this, she doesn’t particularly enjoy oral or fingering or any of the other ways I am used to working to help past partners finish. She seems genuinely happy to just enjoy intercourse until I finish and then cuddle.
Maybe this sounds like some kind of male fantasy, but I find it perplexing and honestly a little unsatisfying. I’ve spent lots of time reading books like *She Comes First* and practicing and learning because I’ve so deeply internalized the idea that I’m a selfish chauvinist if I don’t care about my partner’s orgasm. On top of that, I *like* making a partner orgasm. So I have no idea what to do when faced with a woman who doesn’t care about her own orgasm and seems to think that’s a superfluous part of sex that she’s just as happy not experiencing. Is there a problem lurking here or should I just learn to accept what she wants?
The same person keeps matching with me on different dating apps (three times now!), and then not responding and instantly unmatching. It’s infuriating.
I’m thinking the longer i’m single, the genuinely happier I feel. I do miss guy company sometimes but I don’t feel bad about it not being there anymore. I’m glad I’m not dating for the sake of it, I’m so happy not to be in a crappy situation just to appease loneliness or put up with crap out of desperation. I’m so glad I worked on all that, it’s brilliant to be free of it all.
kind of in a weird place. am quasi-retired due to timely investments & a streak of amazing fortune but can’t quite readily disclose that info to potential partners and i’m reticent to share until later on. i personally believe finances ought to be kept separate anyway
dating at 38 is weird. if i meet someone who is 35, I’m terrified of wasting their time since they seem to be in a rush if they want biological children. but i’m also not willing to rush into anything unless i can test the waters for 2-3 years. in an ideal scenario, i would date someone within the ages of 30-32 but that also has its drawbacks
should’ve gotten ducks in a row sooner
How long did you wait before asking if she would like to spend the night with you?
The age old spark question. Does it exist and I’m not showing it or is it an easy excuse for them not being interested. Been on plenty of dates and they all say sorry I just didn’t feel a spark. Am I being too nice? Should I be more cheeky/flirty? I feel like it must be something I’m doing at this stage. I’m fairly good looking, dress/smell well – I’m in to fashion and arty/hipster-ish and go for these kind of women too. I’ve got lots of hobbies and interests. Good morals and can hold a great conversation/funny. But they all say this. Even if we’ve kissed on a first date. Is it just a numbers game until I eventually meet someone where there is a ‘spark’. Or could there be something I could do more of on a first date to help create a spark? Got a coffee date tomorrow and already waiting for the inevitable no spark text afterwards.
date #2 – he said that he would make reservations to top golf but he didnt. online it says 2.5-3 hour wait. i dont expect it to get better. can i just cancel?
Had a first date from Feeld last night with a queer, partnered/ENM man at a gay bar which was such a funny scenario as he was lightly flirting with the male bartenders (I loved it, so funny). Had a hilarious, fun time while at the bar and then went to his house after to listen to records. As soon as we got to his house, something flipped for me and I immediately got turned off by him. I’m trying to decide how much stock to put into it. He texted today asking when we can see each other again, and I haven’t responded yet. I might do a second date and see how it if goes.
Generally enjoying the less traditional side of dating right now. Have a few more first dates lined up soon, all with people who know I’m playing the field and taking my time. Really good for my stress level honestly!
The man I’m seeing is recovering from surgery, we can’t hang out so I was thinking to send him a little get well soon gift. Does anyone have any fun ideas? We’ve been dating 3 months.
ETA 38F, 40M
I can’t tell if I should reach out or if my gut is correct.
I have currently been away from my home base for two weeks, returning on Monday. Before I left, I went on two dates with someone and they were great. We talked about going out again when I get back but our communication while I’ve been gone has been weird. Or has it? We have only had two dates. Between those two dates he was not overly communicative but after he did initiate some texts but as time went on I felt like I was doing a lot of the initiating (and this wasn’t an every day thing, maybe an every third day if that.) The last substantial exchange we had was two Fridays ago. I reached out to just see how he was doing on Wednesday and was met with a busy text but also asking how I was. I didn’t ask another question to keep the convo going.
I feel like it’s on me to reach out when I’m back in town but I feel like maybe he’s not interested? Or maybe he’s just not a texted? I’ll be honest for the most part the texts were super surface level so were sort of driving me nuts myself.
Got a second date in a few hours. Going to one of my favorite restaurants. Really hoping it goes well. Our first date was just about 2 weeks ago (I went out of town to visit family) and I feel like I’m going to forget some of the things she said. But all I can do is my best.
Idk why I’m so worried about this one. I have a second date with someone else tentatively planned next week, and a first date with someone else tomorrow. But maybe I just like her.
Anyway, wish me luck!
went out with a girl recently that really excited me. its goofy but I felt like I could immediately envision what that future would look like? anyway she called me a few days later to chat, and then we had a second date last night where she talked to me about her family and about things she’d like for me to take part in in the future.
it feels really positive so far.
The only downside in my relationship at the moment is that we can’t do sleepovers very often. We both have pets that need care at home. I love waking up next to him and feel a bit bummed that it will be like this for the foreseeable future. I might get to stay over at his in a couple of days so I’m going to do a big lazy breakfast and coffee in bed 🙂
He came back! To tell me that the reason for his distance is his anxious attachment issues due to childhood trauma, and he wants to know that he still wants to date me but all this came from advice from his therapist. But he will explain everything about it to me soon. To me this feels like…. A lot. On one hand, I also have anxious attachment and I get it entirely, but I typically don’t disclose that to someone I’m newly dating. We’ve only been on three dates, I haven’t even seen him in two weeks. Friends are telling me it’s a green flag, he’s being open and vulnerable with me and he’s taking issues in therapy easily. They all think I’m seeing this badly because of my own attachment and history of running away from people when things get vulnerable. But I can’t say cancelling plans and disappearing for days at a time feel like a green flag to me, how are we supposed to get to know each other? I don’t know what to think, except that I really think I need to get my own ass into therapy stat because I’m confused af.
In other news, I’ve set up a first date later today with a guy who seems really fun and compatible! I’m looking forward to it for sure.
My city has multiple Facebook groups dedicated to restaurant reviews, events promotion, and the like. Just found out that the guy I’ve been crushing on (we have overlapping social interests, have flirted some, not gone beyond that) is the same guy who posts “Fazolis” on *every* post in these groups. Someone asking for a good date spot? Fazolis. Someone needing a place to cater a wedding? Fazolis. Someone coming from out of town? Fazolis…it has dampened my crush, lol
Cute/flirty/sweet girl from Hinge postponed tonight’s date (which was always a provisional yes) due to getting back late from another city and it’s absolutely fine.
I’m being an old man with my chamomile tea and dressing gown at my desk with music on doing graphic design instead and it feels great having a frugal, sober night in instead haha. What have I become?!
My guy and I had a conversation last Sunday where one of the things I asked him to do was tell me when he’s feeling overwhelmed and needs to turn off his phone, because he has a tendency to do that and it stresses me out to suddenly not hear back from him. He did what I asked yesterday and let me know he’s “just a mess right now and trying to clean it up”. Part of me is happy because he’s being thoughtful about his communication.
Part of me wants to cry because I haven’t physically touched him since last Sunday and I, uh, really like him? But he’s prioritizing me as much as he possibly can right now and I’m challenging myself to not prioritize him as much because I am notoriously bad about dropping everything to focus on the person I’m dating and it never actually helps the relationship.
How did all my Saturday morning runners do!?
Other than my run, nothing to report. Been raining heavily all day, so i’ve been relaxing and reading another Blake Crouch book as he’s completely stolen my reading interest recently.
Update to my comment from last week.
I mentioned I was losing excitement for the guy I’d been on 4 dates with and didn’t know why.
Well, I took the advice and went out with him again… and it’s back!! I think it helped that we had some deeper conversations so I feel more connected. And I also think maybe I was personally in a little bit of a funk last weekend so that dulled my feelings for him. But I feel good about where we’re at and I’m now really excited for our next date.
Why do all the women I see disappear as soon as we actually connect?
I’m done dating.
Sometimes I feel totally consumed by the idea of a relationship, wanting to cuddle, be with someone, have someone to talk to about the day to day…
Then other times it just feels like the most weird, foreign, alien thing. Like in those moments I can’t even conceptualize what it would be like to actually want a relationship and be in one.
I wish I knew what was going on in those moments? It’s like I dissociate from the idea of a relationship. It’s like that feeling when you say a word over and over until you don’t recognize the word anymore?
Even though I haven’t had a relationship before, there’s something about wanting to have a relationship, or having a crush (even an unreciprocated one) or even stressing about feeling lonely that kind of reminds me that I’m a real alive human. In those moments of dissociating I just feel like I’m a robot.
It also makes me scared sometimes that if I did end up in a relationship eventually that I’d still oscillate back and forth and sometimes just want the dude out of my house.
Gotta love hearing “you look tired” in the first ten minutes of a first date.
How does everyone handle dating in different countries when visiting for long periods of time? Do you shut off the app notifications? Do you use the vacation feature to look around locally?
If after the first date, feeling unsure or don’t feel a romantic connection but seem to be a friend type do you still give out your number? (it’s fine if they don’t want to be friends)
I booked two cinema tickets to go tomorrow, but the person I was going with has now bailed. So now I have no one to go with, I’m debating on whether I should go by myself…..
In all my years of cinema going, I’ve never actually been on my own. But I kinda wanna.
Having a very peaceful weekend after a busy and very emotionally draining week. Decided to stay in last night- cooked , read, watched a movie. Baked and read this morning, had lunch with one of my oldest and best friends, and am just crafting and listening to podcasts tonight. Been feeling really heavy from supporting other people and being the ear to a ton of negativity and anger.
Guy ive been seeing has requested i help get him out of his house for an hour tomorrow. He’s recovering from surgery and not doing super well mentally and emotionally (physically, slowly improving). I’m really missing having him over. He’s hoping he can come over next week, I’m trying not to get my hopes up.
It kind of sucks I feel like I have to move in order to find better dating candidates for me.
Asian American from California, moved to Upstate NY to close an LDR with my white eventual fiancee turned ex, that didn’t work out, and after much grieving and working on myself, I built myself a life here.
My most recent ex was also Asian but in France, and I didn’t want to do the same thing. God knows why I jumped into another LDR.
But it sort of makes sense for me to go back to California now that my whole family (sister just moved back since she wants her babies to know their grandparents) is back there, I prefer dating westernized Asian. That said, I prefer the chiller vibes in this LCOL city and I just bought a house last year plus have a lot of belongings (I have extensive home gym, and bought a lot of new furniture in the past year)… but I’m swiping majority left here. In fact, I match more with people in Canada (they’re close enough for the apps) than locally. And 95% of my friends are not local.
I work remote so it doesn’t make sense financially for me to go to California when I don’t care that much for that life. At the same time, that DOES mean I can just up and move and keep my job. I’ll also lose the friends I do have here… but I’m sure I’ll be able to rebuild them with my hobbies. I’ve done it before. And my best friend is in LA anyway.
Turning 33 this year… wonder if I’ll have to make that decision soon. Don’t want to flop around in the prime years of my life and making my dating life more difficult than it has to be.
God. Why’d I buy a house. My family kept wearing me down that this is what a man does at this point of his life and they are so into real estate. Went from little apartment maintenance to paying more than double my previous monthly costs (not even counting in any repairs or emergency costs) and spending hours of my weekends maintaining my home. I’m a software engineer. My time is maybe better spent engineering? Shrug.
/rant
It’s life experience and skills I guess. Hardships have made me who I am, for the better. I can’t let my decisions hold me back. They gave me valuable life wisdom.
I’ve been out of the OLD scene for a bit, what are the popular apps? Hinge, bumble, tinder? Anything else?