[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1av0ok4/husband\_33m\_feels\_enough\_time\_has\_passed\_and\_i/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1av0ok4/husband_33m_feels_enough_time_has_passed_and_i/)
My MIL texted my husband, asking questions about us excluding my BIL for several get togethers now (the aforementioned Birthday and a BBQ) and I told my husband he’d have to tell his mom.
He told me he needed to talk to me first before explaining things to her. I expected he’d tell me my BIL had told my MIL his own distorted version or that we needed to be careful on how we explain things to my MIL.
Instead he told me he had a ”in-joke” years back with his BIL and a few frienda about me being a one night stand turned serious girlfriend and how it was stupid, immature, and something he’s embarrassed about now. And that he didn’t even connect the dots when my BIL made the h\*e to housewife comment and it wasn’t until my BIL spellled it out for him in a later conversation. And for weeks he was hoping I’d either just forgive and forget because he didn’t know how to tell me.
My first reaction was confusion. I told my husband why would he ever tell people that if we were first friends and then dated. We met in college and didn’t have our first date until over a year later. He said he just wanted to impress his boys and that he was a stupid 20-something idiot.
That just made me ask more questions like why wasn’t his brother in High School back then. Why would he even be telling his teenage brother over made up college conquests? He said he was just summing things up but that basically he told one of his friends who then told somebody else and it reached his brother. Then he tried to further add to that gumbled mess by saying it was a running joke that stopped when we became serious and how it was really about his friends ribbing him instead of me.
I felt he was just making this stuff up.
So I just the shut the whole thing down and asked him why he is so desperate to take the fall for something his brother said? I told him I’m not out to get his brother or wish him ill, I just want space.
My husband stayed defensive and said his brother will never say something like that again and that I’m making it sound like I’m afraid he’ll hurt me. This lead to a senseless back and forth with me saying over and over again that I just want space and him saying its been long enough and enough time has passed for me to get over this.
I eventually snapped and said that if he’s not going to tell me what has him so desperate for his family not to find out about his BIL insulting me and me wanting to be away for him then I’ll just tell my In-laws myself. He said that he’s telling the truth and that he just doesn’t want to give his mom an ”excuse” to give his brother more grief as things between my BIL and his parents are apparently already tense. And that he understands I’m angry but to please understand that my BIL is in a bad place and doesn’t want to uproot the only support he has.
He then started crying which I didn’t expect and said he feels my BIL is in a worse place mentally that what any of us know and to please just be patient with him right now.
I didn’t want to keep arguing after that and agreed to just let him tell his mother whatever he wants in the mean time and that I don’t have to speak or be near my BIL until I say so.
This was all on the car ride back to the house earlier today and we agreed to talk more about this when we get some some privacy. Right now he’s watching tv with our kids while I’m in our room. In like 2 hours we’ll go out to eat and probably won’t be in the mood for a heavy conversation later tonight. Which is fine because right now my thoughts are all over the place.
I feel there’s some heavy secret I’m not privy too. I’m confused over how such one stupid comment now has us here. If my husband isn’t lying then he has some weird hang ups and attachment to his brother I had never ever seen before. I just don’t know what to think.
Tl;dr Husband wants me to just forgive my BIL so things can be normal again. I ask why he’s so pushy about this and he makes up this bizarre story and then cries over how my BIL needs his family. I’m both angry and confused and I’m not sure where to go from here.