So I 22F have myself in a predicament with a guy 23M. We met in highschool at a party but didn’t really become friends until December 22′. Everything seemed to click between us. We hung out at farmers markets, watched new show and cooked together. It really felt like something was there.
He let me know that he would be moving away in 4 months. With that put at the back of my mind, we still continued on and eventually went from cuddling to kissing and slept over a few times.
I got brave and asked if he wanted to be my valentine and come over, where I cooked him a meal (with his assistance) and watch a movie. After valentines I decided that it was the right time to tell him that I caught feelings, thinking he felt the same way. He told me that he had been cheated on before with long distance and wasn’t ready to do that again. We discussed not having any more “sleep overs” or kisses and to just be friends.
Recognizing I got myself into the worst kind of situationship, I dropped contact with him for a month to get my mind right. He texted me a month later and I realized I had not gotten my mind right and we fell right back into our old ways (sleepovers and all).
Eventually he moved away and our contact was mainly through texts and Instagram dms. I tried dating and almost got into a new relationship but realized quickly i was not over him and it would not be fair to a potential partner.
One day, mid July, he called me just to catch up and that was the start of, no fail, a call every single day for months to either catch up, play video games or just talk about life.
I brought it up again that I have feelings for him and mentioned the problems I was having dating because of our frequent contact and my inability to let our situationship go.
He then told me that it actually isn’t the distance that is the problem, but he was not ready mentally to be in a relationship, but doesn’t want to lose me as a friend. He told me he doesn’t want to hold me back from exploring other relationships.
We continued on with our daily phone calls, video games, etc. He eventually invited me to come visit him. It took a few weeks of convincing, but I caved and flew out for New Years.
The trip was amazing. It was honestly straight out of a hallmark movie. Anywhere we went on the town, he was sure to hold my hand or wrap his arm around me. He made all kinds of plans for the short 4 days I was there including exploring a cute mountain town, going thrifting, taking me to his favorite food spots, etc. It seemed like we picked up right where we left off before he moved and never skipped a beat.
Naturally my feelings never went away and grew more being back with him (and it honestly felt like he felt the same way). During the trip he booked a ticket to fly and see me again in my hometown in a month. Before I flew home I shared my feelings one more time. His response was “I’m sorry, I really don’t want to lead you on, but I don’t know if or when I’ll ever be ready for a relationship”. I was left so confused and hurt and really at a loss.
During the month leading up to his visit, he was extra flirty on the phone and still no fail on a call a day.
We he visited, we decided it would be best for him to stay at his parents to keep boundaries but still saw eachother every day he was in town. He introduced me to his parents, grandma, cousins aunts and all his friends. His parents kept referencing me as his girlfriend and he never corrected them. When his time in town came to an end, he told me by and gave me a big embrace and kissed me IN FRONT OF HIS PARENTS.
Fast forward a few weeks later and I got a job offer making 24k more… in his town. My decision to move is not for him, but for my career, but now moving so close to him, I don’t know if we will continue down the same situationship path we’ve been on.
He and his brother are the only two people I know in his town and our lives seems so intertwined now that his parents know me (and he frequently mentions that his mom brings me up often).
I move in a month and I think I have really gotten myself into a mess.
Some takeaways…. I have heard the comments like “forget about him” or “move on” and for me, it’s just not that simple. I wrote this not only to vent, but to get some constructive help on my situation.
I know this was lengthy and I definitely had to leave some stuff out so if anyone has any follow-up questions I can answer, please ask