Since i was about 13 (21 now), i’ve not been myself around my family. I used to be extremely talkative and comfortable around all my family, but at some point when i was 13, it was just turned on it’s head. I remember my mom coming into my room telling me that my grandparents are worried about me cause i was so quiet last time i visited them.
Since then it seems to have just gotten worse and worse. Today I’m very shy in specific situations around strangers and even friends I’m fairly close with, but it’s on another level with my family. I’m just not myself at all. I just had my dad visit me in my apartment and i could barely look him in the eye. Sometimes when I’m with my family for extended periods of time, like holidays or over christmas, i get more comfortable and act more like myself, but then if i don’t see them for a few weeks afterwards, it’s back to square one.
With friends, it’s much different. I’ve had about 3 or 4 very close relationships in the last ~8 years where i’ve been 100% myself. And i really like that version of myself. It’s really weird how my parents and sisters see me as this shy quiet loser type guy, but then when I’m on dates, or with my closest friends, I’m a funny, talkative, charismatic guy. Especially when they covertly express worry about whether I’m lonely, or am even capable of getting friends. I almost wanna tell them that I’m not actually a dry boring quiet shy loser around other people, just around them.