Im not sure this is the right sub but since I saw posts like this here I thought it should be appropriate. If it is the wrong one where is the right one? I didnt know how to describe this.
I’m the “quiet kid” and I force myself to talk, To be social. Even though I’m never sure what am I doing. And I’ve noticed everyone in my school wants to avoid or hates me, I only have one friend and neither am I sure if he considers me one, Others I had felt too fake to talk to and it just feels like they hate me. I try to talk and make jokes that even they understand and do, yet they react as a hypocrite. And even when someone interacts w/ me, I experience a verbal shutdown, gathering my thoughts on what should I just say, And it feels embarrassing everytime I do that.
Everyone here feels fake to talk to, I feel like they think I’m obnoxious and annoying, but are only talking to me because I interacted with them. And I’m not sure anymore why am I so disliked. This has been ongoing for 2 years, and throughout these 2 years I’ve had 2 meltdowns, probably because the pressure was too much for me to handle. Maybe that was why? And the other classes aren’t any better, They’re full of toxic, obnoxious and manipulative people. And I have to wait till the year ends till I can change schools, Maybe it has to do with my first impression as I came here not knowing the language they spoke (Arabic), so I was nitpicked on alot. And even when I know it to a degree I can read, write and conserve, I’m still either ignored or talked behind.
I am not going to change myself and put behind myself a mask, faking my personality just so you can like me.
How can I atleast survive these rest of the months, and try to minimize the damage?