I (22F) came out as bi about 5-6 years ago, and even though i have a preference for women, i haven’t had much experience with women (been on my fair share of dates & slept only with one) due to circumstances like previously growing up and living in a small latin american town + also some big life events.
During the pandemic i was casually dating this guy whom I was very physically and sexually attracted to but after we had sex for the first time, i had really bad anxiety because I could not stop gagging when performing oral. It wasn’t anything due to odor or with him, nor had it happened with any men i was with before, so i kinda freaked out and it sent me into a spiral of questioning if I was actually a lesbian (which im not, and i can now say confidently that i definitely am bi).
Fast forward to 2023, i went on dates with women but it never really led anywhere besides cuddling, until I met this girl and we started seeing each other. We dated for 3 months and although i found her extremely attractive, we never really fully clicked & that affected our sexual chemistry/tension. I had my first queer sexual experience with her (but she didn’t know because i felt awkward telling her that, i just told her that it had been a while since i had sex with women) and the same thing happened where i couldn’t stop gagging when going down on her, and although i have no previous queer experience to compare it to, again, it wasn’t due to smell or anything with her specifically, it was just an involuntary reaction, which made me anxious and the sex was not great if im honest because i was in my head the whole time.
However, before i met her, in the time between end of 2021 until late 2022, i slept with some men and that gag reaction wasn’t really there, like sometimes it happened but not always, yet the fact that it was still happening led me to want to focus on exploring more with women, and honestly it kinda made me disappointed that i had the same reaction when going down on women.
one thing before i end this: I don’t really think i have a sensitive gag reflex in general like with food or textures, etc.
I haven’t slept with any other women out of sheer anxiety, and nowadays although i want to date women, i feel inadequate to do it and it makes me anxious/self-sabotage whenever i start liking someone. (sometimes happens with men too but to a muuuch lesser degree)
any advice, questions, perspective, suggestions, etc?