Hi,
I (25M) just got back from the first sexual date I’ve been on since a complicated breakup. For context, my long term partner and I broke up 6 months ago or so. We hadn’t had sex in around 2 years when she became sex repulsed. I’m working through the repercussions of staying together through that in therapy rn. Physical touch has been scary to say the least and I’m really trying to convince myself my needs aren’t a burden.
I’ve been trying to date to help expose myself to some romantic situations and it’s been helping a little. I just went out with a girl and we fooled around in her car. Not sure if it’s important, but it was just oral nothing else. I don’t think I really wanted to do anything but kiss because of the place, but things went further. It was wanted… I was just paranoid about not being at one of our houses or something. I didn’t want it to happen how it did I guess. I’m feeling really weird afterwards.
She also started talking about things much more seriously afterwards. We had both talked about keeping this short-term and casual because we both need to get back into dating. However, after we fooled around she started talking about hoping things could work out beyond that. We wouldn’t work long term for a lot of reasons and I’m nervous that this might not be a good dynamic for me rn. Especially since this was my first sexual encounter in a long time (and she knows that) I don’t want her to feel used if I decide I have to end things before we get too attached. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I was hoping something casual and agreed upon could be a good way to avoid that.
Anyway, I’m just feeling kind of gross and embarrassed and a little over my head. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this and I just need some perspective I guess.