My (f33) sexual experiences have varied from the guys who are solely out for their own to deep emotional connections where I and my needs are considered greatly. I’ve had long term relationships and one night stands and everything in between. My point is I’ve experienced a lot and nothing feels right. I don’t know if I’ve ever fully enjoyed sex. I feel like it is all fully performance based for me. I do positions they like, I make noises that I’m suppose to. Nothing feels authentic for me.
I don’t actively watch porn, but I’ve seen enough to influence how I perform. I feel obligated to have sex in relationships and if I had to initiate to have sex again, I don’t think I ever would. I would be content just not having sex.
I feel like societal pressures to be a sexual being are weighing heavy on me. I think I’m realizing that I’m just not a sexual person.
So obviously finding someone to match my libido would be an option. But that seems impossible. Every man I know is just obsessed with sex and horny all the time it seems. I don’t understand that mindset, I’ve never felt that way. I see men who stray to find women who do things theirs won’t do, often. And that puts more pressure on me to continue the charade of being a sexual being.
Everytime I think about sex now or finding a partner, I get really emotional because I know that I won’t be enough for most people. I can’t satisfy someone’s sexual urges if I don’t enjoy it or have any urges myself. I feel like this decreases my own value.
Idk any advice???