Unsure if this is the correct sub, but here goes…
I
My wife (33F) and myself (33M) come from highly religious families. I married her because I felt she would be a great mom and she has a kind heart. She married me for similar reasons, and of course there was some underlying sexual attraction to begin with. I have a history of substance abuse, unhealthy relationships, and low self confidence. She has a history of no relationships, very little experimentation, and low self confidence. We have been married nearly 10 years and have 3 wonderful children. The problem is that we never had any physical chemistry. From day one she felt harassed by my sexual energy, and I felt constrained by her initial fear which subsequently became discomfort with anything related to intimacy.
She is aware that sex is a big thing for me, but as much as she tries she cannot bring herself to experiment whatsoever. Emotionally, I think she loves me but has no way to express it physically. She was never in touch with her sexuality and I was overly in touch with mine, no pun intended.
If it wasn’t for my kids, I’d have been divorced years ago.
We have been going to couple therapy for a few months, but it seems both of us lack the motivation to change ourselves enough to actually achieve some equilibrium.
Am I hoping in vain that we will somehow become compatible physicality?