TLDR:
Wife doesn’t get along with my mom, blaming me for taking moms side and betraying her.
I want to preface this story that both my wife and my mom are emotionally traumatized individuals and went through a lot independently. And it is hard for them to accept wrongdoing.
Also, we live with my wife’s mother while my parents live separately. My wife’s father lives in other country. He is an asshole.
The latest issue is like a circus, so here it is:
My MIL got into the hospital few days ago and my wife is staying with her to help while I am watching our 4 and 1 year old. Last night, after my wife came from hospital she told me that my MIL was crying because my mom called my FiL to ask about details of MiL disease and if she infectious, etc. So my wife blamed my mom and said she could’ve called MiL or her directly etc,etc.
Today, my parents came over to help watch kids and I raised the issue. Turned out my mom hasn’t asked FIL all of these questions, and they just briefly talked about MIL wellbeing.(I am sure it true, there were other people who heard this conversation) After I got to know that, I confronted my wife, she became defensive and started blaming my mom for other old issues, and how she lied in the past. There were a lot of other shit throw in between my mom and wife. In the end, in 1×1 with my wife, she blamed me that I have no balls and I’m a baby because I am always siding with my mom and not confronting her when she is wrong. (I asked wife before, don’t bring me into arguments between her and my mother, because I can’t side with anyone) She told me that I betrayed her. My inner thoughts are fuck this. I feel like crap. I can’t take this anymore.
I know my mom and wife are not mentally compatible. I try to keep them separate, but they still find a way to involve me in their crap.
Could you please show me how you see the situation? how to I mediate the situation? TiA
Update: I fucked up, I tried to simplify story by telling my mom called FIL directly, but in fact my mom talked with her sister who lives in the same country as FiL, her sister proceeded to call FIL( I talked to my aunt, and she did asked about MiL illness, just expressed condolences, didn’t ask any weird questions )